Family relationships can be both a blessing and a curse sometimes, even during the festive season. But could things be so bad that you contemplate having your siblings over for Christmas?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself in between a rock and hard place when a disagreement about weekend plans and a Facebook block spiraled into a full-blown conflict with her sister. And now, the OP is left wondering if she has to invite her for the holidays.
More info: Mumsnet
Andy Williams referred to Christmas as the most wonderful time of the year, but it may not be for this woman and her sister
The author’s sister had first blocked her on Facebook after a disagreement about weekend plans and family priorities
Image credits: Anuta77
The sister came over for her birthday, but decided not to engage with her as she just sat on the sofa on her phone
Image credits: Anuta77
Despite blocking the author on Facebook, her sister would reach out via WhatsApp when needing assistance
Image credits: Anuta77
Now the author is questioning inviting her sister over for Christmas as she wants to avoid tantrums and protect her sanity
It all began when the OP’s sister grew frustrated at her lack of initiative. As a single mom, her sister loved these outings as an opportunity for her son to bond with his cousin. However, in November, the sisters had a fight.
The OP’s sister was upset that she didn’t cancel her plans to visit their elderly mom. What followed was an emotionally charged Facebook argument, which ended in the sister blocking her. She never unblocked her, but would reach out to her via WhatsApp if she needed something.
Their relationship hit another snag in December, starting with a frosty exchange at her nephew’s birthday party. Whereas the OP was sick of it; the tantrums and the ingratitude, and so, she simply “mirrored her sister’s coldness”.
The following day was the OP’s birthday, and her sister arrived unenthusiastically, offering an offhand “happy birthday,” no gift, and little help with the party preparations. To add insult to injury, her sister ignored the chaos caused by her son and seemed more engaged with her phone than with the celebration.
The OP went further to state that when she decided to confront her sister about what had happened between them, the sister only said that as usual, the OP just didn’t understand her.
Now, with Christmas around the corner, the OP is faced with a difficult choice— inviting her sister to her place for Christmas or not. Inviting her could mean opening the door to more tension, but excluding her might deepen the rift, especially since their mother is also invited.
Reciprocity is important in all kinds of relationships, including familial relationships as well, as it involves a mutual exchange of energy and support. According to MasterClass, types of reciprocity include generalized (giving selflessly without expecting anything in return), balanced (equal exchange), and negative (an unbalanced exchange).
Therefore, the OP’s perceived lack of balanced reciprocity—initiating plans—by her sister may have contributed to her feeling resentment. This is because a healthy relationship typically thrives on equal give-and-take, whereas imbalance can also strain familial ties.
However, the seeming rivalry between the sisters is also something to pay attention to. According to WebMD, some causes of sibling rivalry in adults are rooted in perceived or real favoritism from parents, life events, comparisons, differing values, jealousy, or poor communication skills.
The OP had stated that the sister was just projecting “some deep issue she has”, however, WebMD might infer that these deep issues are unresolved issues from their past and differing expectations now strain their relationship further.
Thankfully, Harley Therapy provides tips on resolving adult sibling conflicts. According to the website, “resolving adult sibling conflicts requires focusing on actionable steps rather than the current dynamics.”
They state that pulling others, like parents or kids, into the conflict is ineffective and dangerous. Instead, siblings should work it out amongst each other. They also go further to state that seeing the sibling’s perspective, even briefly, can open space for better communication.
The comments reflect a divided sentiment, with some siding with the OP and others criticizing both parties. A significant portion of commenters felt the sister was entitled and overstepping boundaries, and suggested that if she would be happier without her sister for Christmas, then she shouldn’t invite her.
On the other hand, many commenters found fault with both siblings, pointing to pettiness, immaturity, and a lack of communication. One user summed it up bluntly: “The pair of you need to grow up.”
Do you think the OP is justified in her feelings, or should she try to mend fences for the sake of family unity, especially their sons? Please, let us know what you think!
Netizens insist the author shouldn’t invite her sister for Christmas, but a large number also believe that the two sisters are being childish
