Soaking in a bubble bath is so over if you believe in Gwyneth Paltrow’s new wellness wheeze – the actress now recommends bathing in milk.
Gwynnie looked serene submerged in the white stuff as – yes, of course – she promoted another of her very pricey beauty products.
Gwynnie may be the creme de la creme of the wellness industry, but she’s not the first to bathe in milk.
The practice can be traced back to the time of Cleopatra, who lived from 69 to 30BC. As Queen of Egypt, she liked to bathe in sour donkeys’ milk.
This supposedly did wonders for her legendary beauty because once milk turns, the sugar lactose converts the bacteria into lactic acid, which can have a chemical-peel effect on the skin.
I don’t have access to donkeys where I live in Hackney, East London, nor the funds to pay for the £86, 30ml, 10% milk, GOOPGLOW Dark Spot Exfoliating Sleep Milk serum that Gwyneth sells.
Instead I headed off to my local Aldi to clean out their supply of cow’s milk and find out what dairy baths are all about.
Bathing in milk is supposedly good for conditions such as eczema, psoriasis, dry skin and sunburn.
There are not many scientific studies to back this up but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence of the benefits of a practice that has been around for thousands of years. Having spent the weekend lying in the park without sun cream on, I’m hoping the milk will work its magic and soothe my sore patches.
After spending more than £60 on around 170 pints, I begin the arduous process of decanting it into my tub.
I already feel my wellness has improved because carting milk bottles across town and pouring them all out has left my muscles burning.
The tub of milk almost seems inviting – if it weren’t for the strong smell filling my windowless bathroom.
But there’s no use crying over spilt milk, so I clamber in. Aside from the smell, the overriding sensation is sharp pain – it’s absolutely freezing.
After adding some hot water, I try again and am able to lie back and shut my eyes. Lighting a candle for extra ambiance, I soak in the milk for around 20 minutes, trying to ignore the smell and the fact that my bath water came out of cows’ udders.
I can’t. It’s truly and udderly gross!
Finally emerging from the milky mistake, my long hair is super-tangled as I hot-foot it to the shower.
My palms also feel very coarse, I notice, despite the proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals in the milk supposedly having a softening effect on skin.
When Gwyneth shared snaps of her milk bath to social media, she wrote in the caption: “The team made me take a milk bath and I didn’t hate it.”
Well, sorry Gwynnie, but I did.
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