Late-night hosts talk the supreme court endorsing Donald Trump’s delay tactics, Trump’s visit to the border and how he is going to pay his $454m civil fraud penalty.
Stephen Colbert
Stephen Colbert celebrated 29 February, AKA Leap Day, on Thursday’s Late Show – “that one magical day you can do anything you want because no laws apply, evidently, according to the supreme court”.
He referred to the court’s decision to hear Trump’s immunity claim, further delaying his January 6 trial “in the landmark case of People v Do Laws Matter?” joked Colbert. “Seriously, what is going on?! Justice deferred is justice gutted like a fish and thrown in the river for chum!”
The justices scheduled arguments for the week of 22 April and said proceedings in the trial court would remain frozen until then. “That makes it a total of 19 weeks of delays,” Colbert explained. “These proceedings have been frozen for so long, they legally count as children in Alabama.”
The decision comes after an appeals court ruled unanimously against Trump’s claim that presidents have total immunity from prosecution, including if they ordered the assassination of a political rival. Though arguments will be heard in April, decisions would not be released until June, which would push the trial to late September or October, in the heart of the election. “That’s terrible news for democracy, but fantastic news for television,” said Colbert. “All of the plotlines will come together at once for the thrilling conclusion of … America.”
Colbert then turned serious, noting recent polls indicating that only 18% of Americans have confidence in the court. “The supreme court gains all of its legitimacy and all of its power from public approval,” he said. “They don’t have an army or a police force or, apparently, an HR department.
“They have to rely on moral authority. But they have abdicated that moral authority,” which is why Colbert declared, with the power vested in a late-night host, that the court was unconstitutional. “I don’t make this decision lightly,” he said, “but I’m here to say that their decisions are … henceforth null and void, because they are poo-poo heads and completely divorced from what the people want and reality.”
Seth Meyers
On Late Night, Seth Meyers celebrated a New York court’s rejection of Trump’s request to extend the payment period for his civil fraud penalty; as of now, he must either pay $454m or present a cash bond within 30 days.
“A lot of batshit stuff will happen in this election, so I think it’s OK for us to just take a second and enjoy the sentence ‘Trump doesn’t have the money,’” Meyers laughed.
Trump will probably have to sell off property to raise the money. “I guess that means we should look forward to seeing his private jet joining the Spirit Airlines fleet,” Meyers quipped. “If you upgrade to Comfort Plus, you get exclusive access to the gold toilet.”
Meyers also touched on the supreme court’s decision to hear Trump’s immunity defense. “The supreme court is a partisan institution that is there to protect Trump and do his bidding,” he said, “which of course undercuts the supreme court’s self-styled image as an independent arbiter of the law.
“The justices want to be seen as apolitical, but there can be no doubt now that they’re very explicitly doing Trump’s bidding after siding with him in his attempt to get his January 6 trial delayed until after the election,” he added.
“Keep in mind, this isn’t some sort of thorny, hotly contested constitutional issue that’s been vexing scholars for decades, and where the lower courts are at loggerheads, thus forcing the high court to step in to reconcile contradictory rulings,” he concluded. “Basically everyone thinks this is ridiculous. Trump is saying: ‘I’m allowed to commit any crime I want, and nobody can do anything about it,’ and the supreme court is like, ‘Oh, yeah, maybe we’ll take a look at that.’”
Jimmy Kimmel
And in Los Angeles, Jimmy Kimmel recapped Trump’s visit to the southern border “to scream about Biden not doing anything to secure the border” after strong-arming Republicans to renege on a deal that they made with Democrats to improve border security.
Polls now show about half of Americans support construction of a wall along the border, “which is just as dumb an idea as when Trump first threw it out there eight years ago,” said Kimmel. “First of all, there already is a wall across the parts of the border where a wall makes sense. There’s 706 miles of wall already. And second, walls – they’re not magic. You can go over them, you can go under them, you can cut right through – basically, a wall is a great way to stop undocumented bighorn sheep from sneaking in here and taking jobs from American sheep.”
Meanwhile, Trump is looking for money for his fraud penalty of $454m or a bond to cover it. “In other words, a man who became famous for never paying anyone back has to convince a bonding company that he will definitely pay them back, and it’s not happening,” said Kimmel.
“He owes like a whole Powerball lottery jackpot” and he may have to sell off property to reach it. “But that’s a worst-case scenario,” said Kimmel. “His first move is to see how much he can get for Eric on Craigslist.”
