Name: Lorraine.
Age: 76.
The quiche? The queen.
Oh! Somewhere Scandinavian? Didn’t she just step down? You’re probably thinking of Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II, who has just bowed out to make way for her son, King Frederik X. Queen Lorraine is closer to home.
How close? Very.
I thought our queen was called Camilla? She is. But she was given the affectionate nickname Lorraine.
When? And by whom? A while back, when it looked as if she would never be queen. By friends and family.
How do you know? The revelation is in Robert Hardman’s new biography of King Charles, which is being serialised in the Daily Mail.
Why Lorraine? Because she was considered a commoner and Lorraine sounds common? No, it is a play on the French for queen: la reine.
Hahahaha, how terribly clever and funny. Camilla thought so, according to a friend, “even if Prince Charles did not”.
Oh dear. It’s just a name – what’s in a name? Well, funny you should ask. Rather a lot, it would seem, for this particular family …
Ooh, go on, you’ve got more, haven’t you? Another royal name scandal? Well, again, it’s come from Hardman’s book. It’s about Prince Harry and the Duchess of Sussex’s decision to call their daughter Lilibet, after her great-grandmother, the late Queen Elizabeth …
… or the actual queen, as I call her. Lilibet was a term of endearment for her.
And she wasn’t happy about her great-granddaughter being given it? Hardman says one member of the late queen’s staff told him that she was “as angry as I’d ever seen her”. She is said to have told aides: “The only thing I own is my name. And now they’ve taken that.”
What do the Sussexes say? As soon as it was first suggested, by the BBC in 2021, that Harry and Meghan hadn’t asked the queen about using her nickname, the Sussexes denounced the story, insisting the queen was told in advance and that they wouldn’t have used it if she hadn’t approved.
Crikey, who would have thought a couple of nicknames could cause such a hoo-ha? Well, it got woven into the whole Megxit narrative. And this book is fanning those flames.
I imagine the Mail has worked itself into a right old froth about it. Front-page news, two days in a row. With Lorrainegate thrown in, too, like a palate cleanser.
Do say: “Lighten up, Chaz. It’s French for the queen: la reine, Lorraine …”
Don’t say: “Yeah, but she’s not French, is she? I’m calling her Flan*.” (*pronounced Flarn)
