THERE is no time limit on grieving the loss of a child, says Reverend Melanie Whalley.
"It's [for a] lifetime," Reverend Whalley said.
"I've been with people who are dying from cancer and when reflecting on their own death that's coming, the death of their child is still even worse.
They reflect on that being the hardest thing they've ever been through still, even when they're dying of cancer.
"I've had a couple of people where that's been the case.
"It's an experience where society does not recognise the impact it has on parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles, anyone who is close to the parents."
Similarly, she said, the weeks of gestation or the length of time a child lives after birth were not measures of the extent or depth of a family's love or grief at their loss.
"What I've learned from my own experience was it's not the length of time you have with somebody or know somebody, it's the strength of love," she said.
"I felt so alienated in it because it was an early pregnancy loss for me and I was thinking 'How can my grief be so strong?' because no-one talks about it, you don't hear that."
Reverend Whalley will lead the Wave of Light Service at Christ Church Cathedral at 7pm on Saturday, to mark International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
The Australian Government officially recognised the day for the first time last year.
Red Nose said around 110,000 Australians have a miscarriage every year.
Another 2200 endure the pain of stillbirth, 600 lose their baby in the first 28 days after birth and many more face the grief of termination for medical reasons.
Reverend Whalley said the service was open to everyone and would include guest speaker and Red Nose volunteer Steffanie Bee; the reading of the names of lost babies; the lighting of candles in their memory; a time of reflection with poetry and instrumental music; and prayers.
Funds will be raised for Red Nose, which provides bereavement services.
Parents, grandparents, extended family members and anyone who cares for and supports families after bereavement including midwives and counsellors are all welcome.
"In times past a lot of parents didn't have the opportunity to have their baby acknowledged, and babies, even stillborns, they weren't allowed to see them," she said.
"Society was like 'We just don't deal with it at all' and now it's been more recognised that this is something we do need to talk about and something we do need to bring out into the open a bit more, because parents feel so isolated in their grief over this type of experience.
"[I hope attendees know] that every baby's life does matter and that your grief is recognised and here is a space for you to have that recognition and remembrance and to honour and love your baby in the best way possible for you.
"Everyone is different on how they would like to honour and remember their baby and express their love."
Reverend Whalley and her husband Angus were already parents to Amelia, now 11, when they found out on January 15, 2016, their seven-week pregnancy was ectopic.
The fertilised egg had implanted outside the uterus and the fetus wouldn't survive.
"It was quite devastating," she said.
"I was in hospital for four days.
"My experience in hospital was I was treated more like a medical emergency than a bereaved mother, there were some [staff] that were compassionate but none that stepped over the line of 'Here's some avenues of support if you require it' or 'We're sorry for your loss."
Reverend Whalley said she wrote a service about early pregnancy loss in memory of her baby, a boy they named Gabriel. The family remembers him on his due date, September 2.
"The commemoration is grieving the loss of my baby, of the life that's not there anymore... and all the important milestones that are missed too."
The couple went on to have another son, Joseph, now four.
"No subsequent children replace the child that's died," she said.
"It's a lot easier now, but I've had a lot of support as well... pregnancy after loss is a big thing for a lot of people.
"There's a lot of anxiety, a lot of stress and the funny thing is even if you have an early pregnancy loss, in the pregnancy after loss the anxiety and worry for your child doesn't stop at the mark where you lost the previous child for some people.
"It's a worry that can continue because you know just how fragile and vulnerable life is and you know there's no certainty in anything anymore. It's just not promised."
Red Nose 1300 308 307.
Bears of Hope 1300 11 HOPE.
Lifeline 13 11 14.
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