I’m trying to work out who wouldn’t want to sing along to Master of the House in an upstairs Soho bar while eating cheese tarts (very dainty) and drinking cheap white wine (not so much). Those who wouldn’t want to, I don’t want to know. Go and complain about the noise some more and scuttle off back to Hertfordshire.
The lyrics to that certified banger out of Les Misérables are fitting here. At The Room Where it Happens, a new den of iniquity on Greek Street, resting actors take turns to serve drinks and perform jauntily around a piano. It has the same owner — Dennis — as that of Gerry’s down the road. The theatre crowd will be there. Songs will percolate the room like morning coffee. Soon it will be morning in any case.
These three rooms were once a favourite of Oscar Wilde, apparently. He used to become merry at the bar just as I became merry the other night. Countless bon viveurs were in situ, drinking strong whisky cocktails, deep red and unforgiving; plucking floppy duck rolls from silver trays. They would appear just at the right moment to curtail too heady an intoxication and allow for the pausation and deliberation as to acquire yet another drink.
I love musicals, especially Les Mis: my nonna and I would listen to it in the car while driving down to Cornwall. This is among my happiest childhood memories. Moulin Rouge, Oliver! or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat might crop up at the bar too. Each led by talented thespians.
While nibbling another incomparable cheese tart and pouring another glass of wine — not watered down — I sang Master of the House just as I used to. “Servant to the poor”: bottles of house wine for £15 during happy hour. “Butler to the great”: sit in a booth, wait for the 9pm party, order truffle fries for £6. “Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate”: everybody here, those all about you, Soho in its actuality, a warm and tender embrace.
I shall end with a warning: this is not somewhere to go too often. You will end up like Wilde, dead at 46. But know this: when in the mood to dream a dream, this is where to dream it.
Drinks from £4.50, theroomwhereithappens.co.uk
Bar snacks
The Great Indian
139 Marlborough Road, N19
Just as the Hand and Flowers isn’t really a pub, The Great Indian in Archway is playing a little bit fast and loose with the term, too. Gastropub? I suppose. None of this pedantry means it isn’t worth going to. Surjan Singh, of MasterChef India fame, has opened a stupendous place full of good pints and excellent food to eat with them. The menu moves from the modern (lamb taco roti) to the classic (samosa chaat) and, warmingly, there’s a community feel to the place. @thegreatindian_ldn
Viajante87
87 Notting Hill Gate, W11
Notting Hill bar Viajante87 has launched a new cultural exchange series, platforming Latin American ingredients and mixology in London. Next up on March 30 is a collaboration with La Factoria, a much-loved cocktail bar in Puerto Rico and named “The best bar in the Caribbean” (and ranked 18) by the World’s 50 Best Bars list. On May 4, famed Lima haunt Sastrería Martinez will be in town. The Peruvian venue is tipped to earn a place on the list next year. @viajantebar
