It could theoretically be an enticing proposition: a moody crime thriller set in the north-east, with proven TV talent Jamie Childs making his feature directing debut. But this lands with a sickening thud: what we get is a charmless anti-Get-Carter of dullness, with all the strident geezer movie cliches that somehow stay stubbornly alive in British cinema. The action sequences are lifeless and often simply tedious, the characters are inert and unconvincing and there is some catatonically wooden acting.
Oliver Jackson-Cohen plays Jack Dawson, nicknamed “Jackdaw”; he is a biker and former motocross champ who has come back to his home town after a spell in the army. In need of cash, he rashly accepts a dodgy job from a criminal acquaintance in the club scene to pick up a hidden package. But this guy tricks Jack out of his payment and then kidnaps his vulnerable brother, and so over the course of one night Jack sets out to track down the bad guys, roaring through the night on his bike. Jenna Coleman plays Jack’s old flame Bo; Joe Blakemore is a lairy rave impresario and drug pusher called Silas and Rory McCann is sinister uber-villain Armstrong.
There are a couple of nicely composed shots, and Thomas Turgoose, playing a goofy guy called Craig hanging around the fringes of the criminal underworld, does at least put a tiny bit of pep into the proceedings – he manages to relax in a way that none of the other actors do. But none of these factors can make this come to life.
• Jackdaw is released on 26 January in UK and Irish cinemas
