A pagan celebrant has held a Viking-inspired living funeral for her mother, complete with Danish pastries, apple candles and references to Norse gods, after the sudden death of a close friend made her appreciate the “fragility of life” and inspired her to give her mum a “true celebration”. Anne-Marie Vognsen, 56, who is of Danish and Swedish descent but lives in North Suffolk with her mother, Mille Millard, 85, decided to become a pagan celebrant, often hosting Viking re-enactments at weddings, in 2021.
Anne-Marie began to explore the idea of living funerals as part of her celebrant business Our Freya’s Day after she lost a close friend to cancer in December 2022 – which left her feeling funerals were “very cold” because the deceased cannot hear attendees’ kind words. Her mother, Mille, is currently in good health, though Anne-Marie fears her sight and hearing may soon decline but, in May 2023, Anne-Marie threw her first-ever, living funeral and held it for her mother as she “wanted her to hear (her) love for her when she’s alive”.
There were a “few tears” on the “magical” day: the celebration featured pagan references to Idun, the goddess of youth, Danish pastries and photo albums, and took place in Anne-Marie’s three-acre back garden with 20 of her mother’s loved ones sharing stories and their appreciation of her. “It reminded us all that we don’t spend enough time with our family to actually get to know them and celebrate them – the day was a true celebration of mum,” Anne-Marie said.
“We know when the time comes when my mother is no longer with us, that she has heard how appreciated she is.” Anne-Marie, who became a celebrant in 2021, explained: “I had a celebrant when I got married to my husband, and I realised, actually, that I could do exactly what she was doing for the same money.”
“My ceremonies are pagan – my family is Danish and Swedish so it’s something I’ve always been a part of. I specialise in Norse paganism – we do things like Viking re-enactment, so people get a bit weird, and it’s really good fun.”
Anne-Marie had the idea for her business to branch out into living funerals in January 2023, after attending a close friend’s funeral. She said: “I recently lost a friend, just before Christmas, and it was so so quick – she had very aggressive cancer, and in the space of three weeks she was gone.
“I wanted to know everything that had happened to her – even the little things that shape who we are, like who was her first boyfriend, what was the worst haircut she ever had. In everyday life, you don’t always learn those answers or get to say goodbye.
“It made me realise the fragility of life.” In the last six months, Anne-Marie has unfortunately attended “many” funerals in her local crematorium, and it sparked a conversation with her mum about her funeral plans.
She explained: “There are lots of lovely things being said about that person, but it can feel very cold, I guess because they’re not there. My mum lives with us and we got into the conversation about her funeral, and she said, ‘Please don’t do that for me, it’s a waste of money, I don’t need you to be telling me that when I’m dead’.
“It was a light bulb moment for me because I hadn’t actually looked up anything to do with living funerals at that point, I didn’t know anything about it, but I asked her if she wanted to have a celebration here. I have a lot to be proud of because of my mum, and I wanted her to hear my love for her when she’s alive.”
On her mum’s reaction to the idea, Anne-Marie said: “She felt a bit freaked out, to begin with, and jokingly asked if she should be worried. “She sort of shrugged her shoulders and said yes. I think Danish people are very much blunter and more straightforward, well, my mum is anyway.”
Ordinarily, living funerals are for people who have terminal illnesses, but Anne-Marie’s mother is of good health, other than being partially sighted and having trouble hearing, and Anne-Marie wanted to do the funeral while she can still see and hear well enough. Anne-Marie organised the living funeral for May 21 2023, in her garden, she described the day: “We made a flower arch out of branches and blossoms, and tied ribbons to all the trees.
“It’s literally like walking into a forest and the bottom of our land, so it felt quite magical. I made up tables of Danish pastries and fresh coffee and made my mum’s favourite breakfast of pastries, croissants and Lurpak butter, and a cake.
“We all sat on toadstools and we told stories – it was a bit awkward to begin with because everyone thought it was a bit weird, but it didn’t take very long for everyone to relax, start talking about things.” Anne-Marie set out photo albums, old postcards, and letters for their 20 guests to go through and chat about, and she also incorporated pagan influences, she explained: “Well, the way we did it was, there are two Norse goddesses.
“There’s one goddess who is the goddess of old Age, Elli, she’s quite an ugly person, and then there’s Idun, the goddess of youth and she has magical apples that make her stay young forever. So we had the whole thing underneath one of our apple trees, we had candles made from apples on the tables and apple pastries.”
Looking back on the celebration, Anne-Marie explained how she felt on the day: “There were some tears, mainly from me, but it was just lovely. “My daughters are magnificent with their grandmother and it makes me full of pride – she can’t hear very well but they sat with her and made sure she was part of what was going on around her.”
Anne-Marie now hopes to throw more living funerals as part of her business, she explained: “Part of me thinks I’ll probably do more living funerals than I will do weddings. Funerals are more of a celebration, and I’d love to incorporate some Viking re-enactments in living funerals.
“Throwing my mum’s living funeral has shown me how important it is to cherish and love those close to you, as you never know how much longer they will be around.”
