Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year - but if you're cooking for the whole family, it can quickly become the most stressful time of the year also. Cooking a Christmas dinner is no small task, so when you feel as though your efforts haven't been properly appreciated, it can feel really degrading.
One woman took to Mumsnet to express that she wouldn't have her in-laws over for Christmas again under any circumstances because of the way they'd behaved in previous years. She explained that her father-in-law expected everyone 'to do as he says', and said she felt 'berated' when it came to the preparation of the meal.
She wrote: "I always try to be accommodating and fair to all, but I have told my husband under no circumstances am I having his parents over for Christmas again.
"We've had them over a few Christmas' now and the last time (two years ago) was the last straw. My father-in-law is very difficult to get along with, he will plonk himself down on the sofa, take the remote control and we are all expected to do as he says.
"The last time they spent Christmas with us I was berated for not allowing my mother-in-law to take over the cooking. He takes umbrage at being asked to remove his shoes (we have carpets), will try to vape/use E-cigarettes in the house despite being asked to step outside, will not offer to help clean up, will not bring a contribution and the nail in the coffin was that he proceeded to have a nap on our sofa in the afternoon and expected our children (four and six) to remain quiet so he could sleep.
"I had to go out for a walk to calm down that year (for fear of saying something I'd regret) and explained to my husband when they left that I would not be prepared to have them for Christmas again.
"It's been two years and my husband is asking when he can invite them again. I've told him absolutely not and that he is being unreasonable to even ask after last time. He thinks I'm being unfair and says he can't keep making excuses. We have hosted my own parents for the last couple of years and it's been noticed.
"The difference is that my own parents will entertain the children while I cook. They bring food, wine and will contribute money as they appreciate how much it costs to host. They help with the cleaning up, make no mess, and are a pleasure to have around. There is a massive difference in the atmosphere.
"We're not hosting anyone this year, but my fairness is being called into question already for next year. Am I being unreasonable?"
People were shocked in the comments that her husband's family would behave in such a way.
One wrote: "No, your husband needs to stop making excuses and tell them that it's not on as its hard work for you all. Go to them for a meal and come straight home if they force it!"
Another said: "As an outsider I can see why it's completely reasonable to only have your parents, but I can also see that it wouldn't seem fair to your husband. Does he acknowledge how difficult they are? Or is it that he doesn't really want them to come either but they keep going on at him and he, as you report, feels he's running out of excuses?
"How often do you see them the rest of the year? What would happen if you told your husband they could come but he was entirely responsible for everything - shopping, cooking, entertaining? And you'll do your own thing with the children.
"I wouldn't want them to come either, but I recognise that these things are tricky to negotiate."
Someone suggested they spend Christmas separately, commenting: "Tell your husband to go to their house for Christmas. You and the kids stay at home."
"He doesn't need to keep on making excuses, he needs to tell them straight that their behaviour was out of order", one fumed.
Another mum found herself in the same situation, commenting: "I have a similar situation; we usually get on well but when they come for Christmas Day/Mothers Day etc they are difficult guests (think rude/ungrateful/unhelpful) whereas my parents are just as you describe yours.
"I've avoided the Christmas conversation so far but I know it's coming. After a difficult Mother's Day lunch I swore we wouldn't entertain them again, but it feels a bit mean. On the other hand, why should I put myself through all that work to be belittled?!"
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments below.
