Rushing from school to watch Neighbours, listening to Kylie on my Walkman, staring at my Jason Donovan poster – 90s children, you know what I’m talking about.
So, ending the seminal soap after 37 years. How very dare they?
Being totally honest, most haven’t properly watched it since Scott and Charlene owned our hearts, Bouncer had vivid dreams, Mrs Mangel terrified residents and Lucy Robinson kept changing faces.
But in a gift to fans everywhere, even those who went away for a couple of decades, producers went hell for leather on the nostalgia trip for the finale.
The result was me sobbing my heart out for a show I didn’t realise I still loved so much.
After a week of build up, Friday’s double-bill farewell on C5 was basically a parade of celebrities as they brought back every single famous Neighbours alumnus who would say yes – and there were a lot.
Margot Robbie, Jesse Spencer and Kym Valentine popped up in a video message; Natalie Imbruglia had a random chat with Holly Valance in the park; and Kylie and Jason appeared for no apparent reason as Especially For You played out.
The golden couple were underused, but this was still a thrill.
Every plot device available to facilitate sentimentality was used.
Jane “Superbrain” Harris (Annie Jones) gave Mike Young (Guy Pearce, swoon) a bizarre tour of all the houses, which were inexplicably all up for sale at the same time.
This gave plenty of chances for reminiscing and flashback scenes.
How young they looked then. The whole thing was extremely meta, almost like the actors had given up on their characters and were just taking their final curtain call.
Loose ends were tied up in a nice neat bow, speeches were made about love and community, tears were shed.
Jane got something in her eye, so put on her glasses. Mike said he still loved her and within half an hour they were back together.
Paul (Stefan Dennis) reunited with the love of his life; Harold (yes, Harold!) turned a hose on Clive; and Toadie married Mel in a ceremony so saccharine I felt like I’d overdosed on Haribo.
Everyone planning to leave Ramsay Street decided to stay and Susan Kennedy (Jackie Woodburne) gave a wistful soliloquy with a nod to “those gone too soon” – a misty shot of Madge and Doug appeared, followed by a montage as the closing credits played out.
“Everyone deserves a place in the history of Ramsay Street, even those who watched us from afar,” said Susan.
She means us, right? No, you’re crying.
