Gemma Collins has received vile abuse throughout her TV career - and was also bullied as a child for ‘being too popular’.
The former The Only Way is Essex star is bravely speaking out about her mental health battles in new Channel 4 documentary Gemma Collins: Self-Harm and Me.
In the eye-opening show, Gemma discusses her struggle with self-harming and how it has impacted her life and loved ones.
Gemma said: "I don’t know why I self-harmed, I don’t know where it came from. I don’t understand it. This is why I’m making this documentary, I want to finally put it to bed… It’s going to be really tough at times, but I am ready to find out why I did it
"The public don’t know Gemma, they know 'The GC'. Everyone sees me as this strong character. I’m actually a very soft, sensitive person, very few people get to see that side of me."
Gemma has previously spoken about the awful ordeal she faced during her school years - where she was attacked by vicious who punched her in the face.
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The bullying got so severe at her all-girls school her parents moved her to a £7,800-a-year private school so she could get away from her abusers.
"I never got bullied because of my weight, I actually wasn’t overweight at school,” explained the reality TV star on an episode of The Gemma Collins Podcast in August 2020.
“I used to be bullied because I was quite popular and I was quite out there.
“Basically, I had to move schools in the end because I was bullied quite bad. One girl even punched me in my face and stole my purse.”
It got so bad over a few short months that teenage Gemma would feel sick at the thought of going to school and tried to keep a low profile.
In her 2013 autobiography Basically... My Life As A Real Essex Girl, Gemma wrote: "Outside of school, I would walk past certain gangs of girls and I could feel them staring at me, I could sense their hostility and hear them muttering things under their breath. I hated it.
The terrifying situation took an even nastier turn when Gemma was out with a pal at a local underage nightclub and ended up being violently attacked.
The sick and twisted bully then stole Gemma’s bag which contained cash and other personal belongings.
Recalling the attack, Gemma said: "I didn't see the girl approach, I just felt the blow. She walked up to me from the side and landed a stinging punch on the bridge of my nose...
"I saw the girl stoop down and pick up my bag which I had been dancing around and which contained my money and door keys.
"Dad had given me £30 for the night and as well as that, the bag contained a new purse from Next that I had treated myself too."
Gemma was so badly hurt that her bruised eye started to close and was turning blue and red.
Despite her mother Joan’s protests, Gemma insisted she didn’t want to change schools.
But she started suffering from crippling anxiety and began bunking off school and forging sick notes to her teacher.
Her father Alan enlisted Gemma in some self-defence classes to "make sure if it happened again I could look after myself".
Gemma has credited mum Joan with rebuilding her confidence, which had taken a massive blow from the school bullies.
She wrote: "All my life Mum had told me not to be nervous and to walk tall. 'When you walk in a room, walk in like you own it,' she would say.
"But deep down, under the bravado I was shy, and now the safe bubble I had been living had burst. I was scared...
"I had always been popular - sometimes it was exhausting because I was always invited to parties - but suddenly I realised my outgoing personality and my zest for life were rubbing people up the wrong way and singling me out for bullying.”
Gemma’s parents then transferred her to a private school where she completed her GCSEs and met fellow student Amy Childs, who would also go on to appear on TOWIE.
TOWIE fans immediately fell in love with Gemma and she became a key member of the cast for many years.
However, Gemma also faced the dark side of fame with the abuse she received online from vile trolls.
Speaking on Piers Morgan’s Life Stories last year, she said: "It was hard; I’m not gonna lie, it was hard. There were times when fans would get online and say we hate you. I think one said, get in your car and go and have a car crash. I wish you was dead. You know.
"You have to get a very thick skin and I think that’s where the GC was created as well. There is no way, if you didn’t have a thick skin—and you will know this [Piers], that you will survive in this industry.
"It’s not for everyone I’ve been able to cope with it but there’s a lot of people I know that haven’t and it can ruin your life."
Now Gemma is bravely speaking about her struggle with self-harming during honest and frank discussions in her new Channel 4 documentary.
One of the most heartbreaking moments is where Gemma explains how she hid what she was doing from fiancé Rami Hawash in a group therapy session.
"I hid it for a long time but one night my boyfriend caught me, he's now my fiancé, this was like 10 years ago. That hurt me more than anything," she told them.
Moments later in the documentary, Rami recalls the moment he walked into the kitchen to find Gemma holding a tea towel with blood everywhere when they were previously together 10 years ago.
Opening up to her partner, Gemma said: "It was never about you, it was never about any of that. It was to do with me, obviously I was going through something and the only way I could relieve the pressure was to cut myself."
She continued: "I never wanted to kill myself, that never went through my head.
"It was like a coping mechanism for me, so you know, when I just obviously, suddenly got famous and then people were coming up to me every five minutes. The pressure, the build-up, I couldn’t express myself properly.
"In the back of my mind because obviously we do want to go on to, you know, have a baby and stuff. I feel very happy with you and very settled with you and I think always in the back of my mind, you think, 'Oh s**t, is it going to come back?'"
Gemma and Rami first met 10 years ago while she was on TOWIE and split up, but they are now happily engaged and planning to have a baby together.
For support on dealing with self-harm see mind.org.uk/selfharm or call Mind's confidential Infoline on 0300 123 3393.
For further help or advice, please visit: https://www.channel4.com/4viewers/help-support
Gemma Collins: Self-Harm and Me airs tonight on Channel 4 at 9pm
