I’m sad English midlifers are the loneliest in Europe: poor Gen Xers, sitting at home, wishing we had someone to go to the pub with.
Researchers at Arizona State University found that although we’re the worst off in Europe, we’re not alone. OK, we sort of are – that’s the point – but midlifers in Germany, Spain, Italy and Greece are similarly afflicted. Those in the Netherlands, Denmark and Sweden aren’t, interestingly. “Middle-aged adults reporting the lowest levels of loneliness live in countries with robust government-supported safety nets,” said the study lead, Prof Frank Infurna. “Generous family and work policies likely lessen midlife loneliness through reducing financial pressures and work-family conflict.”
That seems logical, but is there anything else happening? Because, despite having a brilliant partner, I get lonely sometimes and would love to do something about it. My problem is twofold: I rarely see my friends and no longer have workmates. Friendship has a lot to do with proximity. The Atlantic published a half-inspiring, half-maddening article last year explaining that living near friends is a huge driver of happiness, and suggesting we all engineer it. But who can strategise like that about their life? We’re hamstrung by circumstances and housing costs – more so in the UK than in the EU. I can’t fix that any more than I can our regressive work-life policies.
Colleagues, those weaker ties, have been a casualty of the remote work revolution for many. WFH reconciled some of the “work-family conflict” that Infurna flags, but at the cost of easy, low-key interaction. Admittedly not all my previous work relationships were easy or low-key, but you don’t have to love your colleagues to benefit from being around them; reducing them to pixels definitely makes life lonelier.
Maybe I can do something about that, so does anyone fancy an occasional work hangout? Some conditions: I require absolute silence until I absolutely must tell you something urgently; I’m extremely rigid about what constitutes an acceptable co-working space; and my only conversation topic is birds. Fancy it? Huh. I might have identified another reason I’m lonely.
Emma Beddington is a Guardian columnist
