A woman from East Lothian has told the bittersweet story of how she became a carer for her husband after he had a stroke which caused his health to deteriorate on his birthday.
Beth Henderson, 77, from Humbie, East Lothian cared for her late husband who had a brain injury, dementia and amputated leg for the final months of his life keeping him in their home so the pair could be together.
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The widow tragically lost her husband in May 2021 but has now been recognised as one of the best carers in Scotland after being nominated by staff at the health centre the pair attended.
Speaking to Edinburgh Live Beth said: “I would do anything for Ian. He was my husband and I loved him, and I’d do it all again.
Beth’s journey of caring for Ian started just after his 65th birthday when he experienced a stroke, the first of many.
“We had gone out for a meal to celebrate Ian’s birthday when I noticed he was acting oddly,” recalled Beth. “We came home and my sister said to me ‘Beth, I think he’s had a stroke.’”
Ian went on to experience a series of small strokes and as a result, developed vascular dementia.
Beth said: “We went to see a psychologist every six months after the dementia diagnosis who told us that Ian would have these wee strokes every so often and would lose a bit of brain function each time.
“Life totally changed for the both of us. Instead of enjoying our retirement together, we were battling every day with the effects of Ian’s brain injury. His behaviour was changing all the time and he became very disinhibited.
“He’d often get fixated on people with distinct characteristics, so I had to be constantly alert for what might attract his ‘magpie’ eye – someone’s hair, a tattoo, the colour of a dress. His extrovert behaviour meant that harmless conversations were taken too far and he could get himself in trouble. Thankfully he had a Headway Brain Injury Identity Card which he was able to show people.”
As the strokes continued, Ian lost his peripheral vision on his left-hand side and had to have his lower left leg amputated to stop any further blood clots.
“It never kept him back,” said Beth. “He tried to ride his bike and drive a car but he couldn’t understand why it wasn’t safe. He had numerous falls because of both the strokes and the prosthesis. The neighbours were always helping me pick him up!”
Agency care staff were brought on board as Ian’s health deteriorated, but Beth was often left to pick up the pieces.
“We live in a rural area so it was almost impossible for companies to provide the care Ian needed,” she said. “Carers were in short supply so I had to help with a lot of the physical work. Ian was a big, strong man and if he fell he could easily hurt himself and others
“During the pandemic, care was intermittent at best – maybe 30 minutes twice a day – so I very rarely had a break or got time to myself.”
Longing for more specialist support, Beth sought out Headway East Lothian, a local brain injury charity where she and Ian attended support groups for the past five years.
“Headway East Lothian was our lifeline,” said Beth. “I couldn’t take him to other community groups because people didn’t understand his brain injury, they just thought he was being awkward or misbehaving. He always loved taking part in the activities at Headway – painting, singing, dominoes and chatting.”
“The staff at Headway helped Ian’s carers to learn more about brain injury so they could better support him, providing them with information, guidance and support on how to manage his increasingly disinhibited behaviours.”
Beth and Ian also attended BRAW, a residential activity weekend organised by Headway where Ian was able to participate in many of the activities he enjoyed prior to his brain injury.
“It was fantastic,” said Beth. “Ian got to do his own thing – riding the all-ability bikes, archery and walking and I got a chance to get some respite and have a massage. We attended the social event in the evening together and shared a special moment when Ian got up and asked me to dance with him.”
Sadly, Ian died earlier this year in May.
Beth said: “Towards the end he slept a lot, but he still always had that same sparkle in his eye. On the day he died I said to him ‘Oh you’re looking lovely’ to which he asked ‘Do you still fancy me?’ ‘Oh definitely’ I replied.”
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Beth was nominated for Carer of the Year by Joyce Cattanach, Development Officer at Headway East Lothian. Joyce said: “Beth is such a loving, caring woman who continues to be a part of our Headway family.
"It would have been understandable and acceptable for Ian to have been admitted to hospital or a care home, but Beth was adamant that they would stay at home together where they could watch the garden grow, the seasons change, and the birds sing.
“Beth did everything for Ian out of love as his wife, but she doesn’t realise just how much she did. She went above and beyond what many other people would have been able to cope with. She very much deserves this recognition for devoting her own life to her husband’s, caring for him constantly.”
If you or someone you know has been affected by any of the issues raised in this article please get in touch at iona.young@reachplc.com
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