As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. And so it must be, as tonight at 9pm I'll be liveblogging the last episode of this series of Dragons' Den, on BBC2. Boo.
I've quite enjoyed it, I have to say. The liveblogging most of all, obviously, but also the show - clearly it can't hold a candle to The Apprentice, but it's a decent example of the Laugh at Deluded People genre (see also X Factor and its many evil cousins).
So join me for the final leg, as the last few contestants climb the stairs of flame-grilled doom. Don't forget to add your musings in the comment box below, and click refresh now and then for updates and new comments. Go on, you know you want to.
So what exactly HAVE the Dragons spent their childrens' inheritance on this series? Well I'll tell you:
light up plastic drinks glasses (novelty tat), a misfuelling prevention device (for morons), a baby buggy shopping-carrying attachment (which is probably better than I've made it sound), a fashion label called Neurotica (unmemorable), a band called Hamfatter (Indie boys from Cambridge, currently not topping the charts), a magic whiteboard (clingfilm), some toaster bags (for toasting things in your toaster), some posh cable ties (whatever), paper blinds in a box (made of paper, in a box), and some recycled jewellery boxes (courtesy of the Rehab Twins).
Which, along with a couple of others from episode 6 that I missed, amounts to £1m of Dragons' investment. Hmm. Now you look at it like that, it's not a list that's likely to set the world on fire any time soon, is it? I mean, it's not the wheel. Or the internal combustion engine. Or Sky+.
But hey, we've had fun, have we not? And even if the final episode doesn't throw up any moments of entrepreneurial genius, at least I've been able to perv at Peter Jones for an hour. And we all know that's what really matters.
Back at 9!
21:00: We're off! Here are the dragons. They are on the way to the den. Hello, scary dragons.
Tonight, because it is the last episode, we have some new ideas and also an update on some from earlier in the series. The future's bright, the future's Hamfatter, says Peter Jones, kind of. I can only assume he has been at the cider.
First up is Naomi Timperley from Manchester and her business partner Andy, who is from Pennsylvania. They want £100k for 10% of Baby Loves Disco, which is an opportunity for parents to take their kids clubbing. Because that's what's definitely missing from my nightclub experience - having my children look on as as I flail my limbs like a demented monkey on a dancefloor.
Basically it's an organised kids' party, with organic snacks (sigh) and a DJ playing classic disco. It is already happening in 30 cities across the US, and they want to bring it to the UK. It is, without doubt, my idea of hell.
Andy has a weak jaw and a pube beard, and his idea doesn't seem to make any money. Theo thinks it is little more than a coffee morning, but Andy has a vision for records, merchandise, sponsorship and for the 'baby loves' brand to take over the world. He says something about 'the official shoe brand of baby loves disco', and I quietly lose the will to live.
None of the dragons can see it as a commercial opportunity. Only Deborah Meaden remains, but she never invests alone, does she? Bloody hell, she does. She's offered them the full £100k for 40% of their business. Andy respectfully declines without consulting Naomi (control freak alert) - she's clearly not happy, but Andy walks away. But he does take time to tell Peter he likes his socks. What a dick.
21:20: Next up is Simon Boyle with Beyond Boyle, a hospitality business/corporate team building affair that gets companies cooking. He also wants to get homeless people working in his restaurant, which has a definite Jamie-Oliver type feel to it. And as I recall, the project nearly broke Jamie, who's worth about a gazillion pounds. It's hard to see how it's an investable opportunity for those with tendency towards capitalist greed (naming no names here). The dragons think it's a brilliant idea, but don't invest.
Natalie Ellis has a product called Road Refresher, which is an award-winning splash proof dog bowl. Which sounds like a brilliant idea to me, but then my kitchen floor is permanently awash with water sploshed about by Henry the chocolate lab. But hey, I love him anyway.
She wants £120k for 15%, and does an excellent presentation - she has sold 22,000 of her doggy bowls in the last five months. She wants to expand her business into a smaller bowl and take it all to America. The technology is patented, and all is looking good.
Hmm, it turns out she has a murky financial past, with a potentially outstanding VAT bill and a liquidated company. Deborah is concerned about her rush to take the product to the States, and thinks she's asking for too much. Peter doesn't think much of the idea either, and it turns out it's got a patent pending, rather than an actual patent. She is crashing and burning.
Theo probes her past a bit more, and it turns out she had a mini-stroke and lost her memory. She starts to cry, and everyone squirms. How bad are Debs and Peter feeling now, huh?
But despite this, all the dragons are out. It's been emotional.
21:34: Next up is a man with an innovative spout for a fuel can, which is terribly dull. I mean, HE thinks it's exciting, clearly, but I am uninspired. Perhaps because I do not own a petrol mower. I had not considered this to be a void in my life, but I may have to reconsider. Of course, I'll need a lawn.
Ringtone people, rubbish idea. Bye.
Next up is Paul Tinton, who looks like an overgrown schoolboy and warms my heart from the off by starting his presentation with 'Hello dragons!'. Bless. His company is called Prowaste Management Services, which provides a waste recycling service to the construction industry. He has wheelie bins in many different colours, which is all very worthy and useful, but I fear has limited scope for Theo to jump about in a comedic fashion. Sigh. I am bored.
Duncan has made an offer, I'm not sure what for because I've been discussing the whereabouts of various items of PE kit with the Teenage Son. If someone has PE kit finding machine, I'd definitely buy one.
Deborah also likes Paul's business - and is prepared to offer 20% for £100k, same as Duncan. Paul only wants to offer 33%, but after a brief and pointless wander to the back of the room, he goes for it anyway. Well done Paul.
21:50: It's time for the best bits of series 6 - the comedy, the fighting, the dragons fingering their cash. Hamfatter are making an album, but it's not really my thing. Too much drum and not enough bass.
Ooh, I'd forgotten about the human tree! They are doing something VIP for Madonna, apparently. We're also revisting the man with the posh cable tie, which has orders for millions 'imminent'. Hmm, my torrid affair with Colin Firth is 'imminent', he just doesn't know it yet.
Ah, the lay-line people - the sheet with the line stitched down the middle to stop couples hogging the bed. Possibly my favourite pitch of this series. Ooh, they have sold 3, apparently. Really? That many?
Finally, a man with some kind of sculpture idea which I didn't see, so I've know idea what it's about. Anyone?
And that's all, folks. Series 6 is over, and the final episode was a bit of a damp squib, if you ask me. A poorly-designed damp squib, with limited investment potential. But there you go - if we're looking for the silver lining, we're a week closer to the new series of The Apprentice. Cheers for joining in, the liveblog has been by far the best idea of the series, I think.
Thank you all, and good night.
