Christine McGuinness says she was "pretending to be someone else" during her marriage to TV husband Paddy.
The model and TV personality, 34, split from the Top Gear host in July. The couple have three children: twins Penelope and Leo, nine and daughter Felicity, six – but still live together and "still get on" because the kids all have autism and depend on a sense of routine.
But Christine, who was also diagnosed with autism last year, said she had been "faking" being a perfect wife during the 11-year-marriage to the 49-year-old ex-Take Me Out host. The Mirror reports that in a rare interview with Psychologies magazine she said had been "masking", or suppressing her autistic traits, all of her life.
She said: "I had become expert at playing a role to try to fit in. I was often alone and missed a lot of school before I left at 14.
"My mum entered me for pageants to try to help with my confidence and I'd morph into a different character to copy what other girls were doing, ending up playing somebody who wasn't me at all. I'd always wanted to be a wife so once I met Patrick, I fully went into 'perfect wife' mode.
"You know, 'I'll stay in, I'll cook and clean and make sure I'm the best wife I can be'. I was always pretending to be something else rather than simply just me. That's all part of masking."
Christine admitted she still "grieves" for her younger self and the life she had before she knew she had autism. But after previously thinking her kids might "never work, have a relationship or live independently", she is now looking forward to seeing what they do later in life.
Of her present life with Paddy, she said: "I want the children to be able to see Mummy and Daddy getting along so we still have family days out and live in the same home. We're kind of in and out with our own busy schedules but we get on.
"We have a bond for life with the children and I'll always look on Patrick as family. We don't want any dramatic changes overnight so it's going to be a slow process moving forward.
"We don't really know what the future holds. Our priority is for the children to remain comfortable and happy in a loving family."
Christine said she was "doing OK" after the split and added that her children's resilience had inspired her to get through the tough times.
She added: "The way they deal with challenges at such a young age makes me think that if they can get through it, surely as a grown woman, I can too. I feel so blessed. I do fully believe that I was meant to be their mum. And I believe that they were meant to be my children."
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