Sam Bremner doesn't know if her heart will break or burst with pride on the eve of Australia's Rugby League World Cup opener next month.
"Captain's run day is going to be my daughter (Lakey)'s first birthday," Bremner said.
"My sister is throwing her a first birthday party while I am gone.
"The girls said we can have a birthday party (on tour), but I don't want to make a big thing of it.
"Because (if I do), it will hurt my heart too much."
On the other hand, Bremner's preparations for Australia's first match against Cook Islands on November 2 represents an incredible journey back into the Jillaroos set up.
Ruled out of Australian duties through freak injuries and bad timing, Bremner has given birth to children Reef (3) and Lakey since her last Test and long been determined to prove she can be a mum and rugby league player.
After initially sitting out the early-season NRLW competition with St George Illawarra after her second pregnancy, she starred in her comeback campaign at the Sydney Roosters in recent months.
It prompted the call from coach Brad Donald that a Jillaroos return was on the cards, and she would go as not only a fullback but one of three co-captains.
"As soon as I found out I was super excited, but then a big rush of mum guilt," Bremner said.
"The anticipation I will be away from the kids for five weeks. I know I can cope with missing them, I just hope they're OK.
"As long as they are OK, I am OK. I probably need to keep reassuring myself this is where I want to be. This is why I returned to rugby league."
Planning for Bremner's absence has been long.
Her family will fly with her to pre-tournament camp in Queensland, but remain behind in Australia once she departs for England.
Her two children, dog and husband - who works 12-hour shifts in the mines - will move in with her parents for the duration of the trip, with her in-laws and sister to also chip in.
But regardless, the key driving factor in the 30-year-old's return was to inspire the likes of her own children to one day believe this kind of resilience is possible.
"One of the reasons I did is so one day when my kids are old enough and don't believe in themselves, or don't think they can be want they want to be, or think something is impossible," Bremner said.
"I can tell them this story, and going to England for five weeks is part of it."
