Dear Mr. Dad: My wife is due to give birth in a few months and I’m trying to work something out with my employer to take some leave after the baby is born. What’s a good amount of time to take off?
A: Great question — one that, unfortunately, has no single answer that will work for everyone. That said, I recommend that you take off as much as you’re able to without jeopardizing your job or your family’s finances.
Your first order of business is to do some research into what types of legally mandated leave programs you’re eligible for. The federal Family and Medical Leave Act provides many employees — as of 2018, about 56%, according to United States Department of Labor data — with 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave. In addition, 13 states and the District of Columbia have passed paid family leave laws.
However, the U.S. remains one of just a handful of countries (and the only wealthy one) that doesn’t have a national paid maternity leave policy. When it comes to paid paternity leave, according to data from the WORLD Policy Analysis Center, the U.S. is one of just 83 countries (out of roughly 200) that don’t require it. But more than 100 do, with leave periods ranging from just a few weeks to over a year. The average amount of paid leave for fathers in the European Union is 6.3 weeks, according to research by the career resources company Zippia.
In the U.S., Zippia research showed that new dads take an average of one week off after the birth of a child. Through the course of writing 10 books on fatherhood and teaching a class for expectant dads at one of the largest hospitals in San Francisco for 19 years, hundreds of the dads I've interviewed report that by far the biggest reason for taking so little time off is they can’t afford to go without their paycheck.
Even when the leave is paid, however, most dads don’t take it. Why? In most cases it’s out of fear that taking leave will negatively affect their careers (by making them seem wimpy or feminine or by flagging them as not committed to their job or their company).
Once you know what your legal rights are, check with your employer to see what they offer; you might be surprised (pleasantly or unpleasantly). Researchers Gayle Kaufman and Richard J. Petts found that 72% of Fortune 500 companies offer some amount of paid parental leave. However, most offer significantly more — up to twice as much — to mothers than to fathers. A far lower percentage of small and medium-sized companies offer paid leave, but it’s worth asking about.
Next, have a long talk with your partner about what, given the legal and workplace constraints and your financial situation, will work best for your family. Keep in mind that neither of you need to take all your leave in one chunk, and the two of you definitely don’t need to take it at the same time (though, if at all possible, try to be there for at least the first few weeks).
After you and your partner have come up with an ideal plan, present it to your respective employers — but be smart and make sure you keep your company’s perspective in mind. In my view, if you were hired to do a particular job, it’s up to you to make sure the job gets done. And companies that don’t support family leave tend to do so because they’re worried things will fall apart while you’re gone. If you can show that that’s not going to be the case (by coordinating with colleagues to cover your workload, making yourself available for regular phone calls while you’re on leave and so on), you’ll have a better chance of getting what you want.
The benefits of your taking paternity leave can be significant, and we’ll talk about them in a future column. But for now, suffice it to say that paternity leave is good for you, good for your partner and your child, good for your relationship, and good for your employer.
