Traveling for couples is a great way to spend time together outside their usual environment, learn more about each other, and strengthen the relationship. However, before setting off to a dream destination, it’s important that partners talk about their expectations for the vacation and how they’re going to budget for it. This way they don’t have to figure these things out on the spot, making the whole experience more pleasant and conflict-free.
Surprisingly, this couple had everything figured out before going on their Euro trip. The plan was for the boyfriend to pick up most of the expenses since the girlfriend was unemployed and battling an autoimmune disease. However, after the holiday, his mind changed and he started demanding repayment, which quickly grew into financial control.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Melissa Murphy Pavone, CFP, CDFA of Money Matters In Marriage, LLC and sex and couples therapist Kaylee Rose Friedman, who kindly agreed to tell us more about the importance of having discussions and setting plans before taking off on couples vacations.
Before going on holiday, it’s important that couples discuss their expectations and budgets for it
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Even though this couple did, the boyfriend changed his mind and started demanding repayment from his girlfriend
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“Having a clear and respectful conversation before any major expense—especially a vacation—can save a lot of stress later”
“Couples should communicate openly about their expectations around money before making travel plans together, and make sure they are on the same page about giving and receiving this resource,” said sex and couples therapist Kaylee Rose Friedman.
“Handling finances is very context-dependent for each couple. Our relationships with money are complex, as money is a neutral resource but how we relate to it can have a lot to do with our values, beliefs, and unique life experiences. Couples might explore themes around how their parents handled money, what their beliefs are around spending vs saving, and how much they each value money so that they understand each other more deeply,” told Friedman to Bored Panda.
“Having a clear and respectful conversation before any major expense—especially a vacation—can save a lot of stress later. Surprises around finances can create unnecessary tension, and getting on the same page early ensures a more enjoyable experience for everyone,” explained Melissa Murphy Pavone, CFP, CDFA of Money Matters In Marriage, LLC.
Starting the money talk may be nerve-wracking so we asked experts for some advice on how couples can approach this conversation. Pavone suggested picking the right time and setting and being specific with each other’s expectations. “Choose a neutral, low-stress moment to discuss vacation plans and finances. Talk about the overall budget, who will cover what, and whether certain costs (e.g., flights, hotels, meals, excursions) will be split or handled differently.”
She also recommends discussing individual priorities and being open to compromise. “Each person might value different aspects of the trip, such as staying in a luxury hotel versus saving for activities. Talking through these preferences helps align expectations. It’s okay if both partners initially have different ideas. The goal is to find a solution that feels fair and reasonable to both.”
“If one partner changes their mind about covering the full cost, it’s important to communicate that as early as possible”
When couples finances aren’t equal, splitting vacation costs may be a little more complicated. “There isn’t a “right” answer here, but proportionality often makes sense for couples with a significant income disparity. For example, if one partner earns 70% of the household income and the other earns 30%, a proportional split of trip expenses may feel fair,” explained Pavone.
However, despite having an earnings gap, some couples may still prefer a 50/50 split if they’re comfortable with such an arrangement, said Pavone. “The most important thing is for both people to express their preferences and reach a decision they’re both happy with. Open communication about why one approach might work better than another can go a long way in fostering understanding.”
In case a partner offers to cover other significant others trip in full, asking for repayment could feel like moving goalposts, said Pavone. “To avoid misunderstandings, I recommend discussing cost-sharing upfront before the trip is booked. If one partner changes their mind about covering the full cost, it’s important to communicate that as early as possible,” she advised.
“If the conversation happens after the trip, it’s best to approach it delicately, acknowledging the initial offer and explaining why repayment is now being requested. Transparency and empathy are key in these conversations.”
It’s also important to keep in mind that what works for one may not work for another, as every couple is different, Pavone noted. “The key is to approach financial decisions—including vacations—with mutual respect, open communication, and a willingness to listen. By talking about expectations ahead of time, couples can avoid unnecessary conflict and focus on enjoying their time together,” she concluded.
Readers believe that it might be time for this couple to break up
