For a long time I didn’t think Asian people worked in Australian media. And the reason I thought that is because Asian people didn’t work in Australian media unless they were portraying sex workers in Thai bars or war victims. So I didn’t think I would ever become anything to do with music journalism.
I thought, you know, fuck this, I’ll be a chef. So I worked at a bunch of restaurants around the country, but I still had this fantasy that I might be something different. My friend showed me an ad in the street newspaper that said: “Are you hot? Do you have big boobs and blonde hair? Do you like music?” And I’m like, “Why are you showing me this ad?” She said: “Keep reading, keep reading.” And it said: “Because we don’t want you. We just want people who are fanatical about music.”
They were auditioning for a new host for the music TV channel, Channel V on Foxtel, holding auditions at every major city, and what I’d understood from reading blogs about it was that you had to be there really early. So I showed up at 5:30am and it was icy cold, one of those Melbourne mornings.
There were about 20 people already in the queue before me, so I was happy. I thought: “Alright, I’ve turned up at the right time.” We had to stand there in the queue for a good couple of hours before the door opened and more and more people were accumulating behind me. I was listening to these people and they were name-dropping, and they were really cool and they were wearing great clothes and they were there with groups of friends. The voice in my head telling me to to go home was so strong. It was like, this is so undignified to be wanting something and trying to get it. But I stayed.
At the time I was working as a chef in the snow. I got the call-up saying, “Hey, you’re one of the finalists for Channel V, can you come to Sydney?” And I was like, “I have a job, you know, I have a life. Can I come to Sydney? Yeah, I can come to Sydney. Sure!” It was a week away. It involved spending about seven days making content for this channel – a bunch of cool stuff to do over a week.
They said we’re pretty sure the person you’ll be interviewing for your live interview will be Robbie Williams. And I remember it was snowing and I was alone looking at all these happy people in parkas and goggles and woolly beanies and thinking, “Oh, Robbie Williams, he’s kind of a big deal.” I thought if I really am going to interview Robbie Williams, what would I ask him? I really thought if I wanted to represent women like me, I’d ask him if I could kiss him. “I don’t really care about your singing. But I think you’re hot.”
We started working on a Monday and my interview was on Thursday. So these eight finalists who were all vying for this one job at Channel V came to the point where we all split off and did different things.
I got to this moment where I knew I was going to be interviewing Robbie Williams and we were backstage in the green room. Osher Günsberg was there, one producer in a headset, Robbie and his manager. It was pretty calm backstage. So I had an opportunity to say, “Robbie, is it all right if I pash you?” And he goes “Pash?” and he turns to his manager: “Pash. What’s pashing?” And the manager goes, “Pashing, it’s the same as snogging.” Robbie goes, “Oh snogging, oh yeah. OK. I better have a mint then.”
For some reason, we were all dressed up as Hugh Hefner. Look, it’s the year 2000, and I don’t know, it’s live TV, Foxtel, but I was wearing a silk smoking jacket. Osher was too, and they dressed Robbie in one as well. So we all looked ridiculous. I forgot what the joke was, but I was out on set with Osher. We called action and the cameras started rolling. And before I had a chance to ask him anything, Robbie said: “So we’re going to snog, then?”
He grabbed me and did a ballroom dancing dip and planted a big, fat, wet, open-mouth kiss on my mouth. Everybody started screaming and it was chaos. Back at the Foxtel office, the other seven contestants were watching the TV as it broadcast live, and they all went: “Fuck, Yumi’s got the job.”
The interview continued, but I was still breathless and trying to maintain my composure. You can see it if you look it up on YouTube. I’m fanning myself and trying to cool off because he was a really good kisser. He wasn’t being half-arsed about it. Then we were about to throw to a break, and he grabbed me and kissed me again. And I was like, this is like the happiest day of my life. I have nailed this job. I’ve fulfilled the brief. People are going to be talking about this for years to come. Within a couple of months, my whole life had changed. I never cheffed again.
Telling this story feels really good. I thought I’d get sick of talking about it, but I’m kind of in celebration of it and it just makes me laugh now. But on video it looks very nonconsensual because he grabs me and kisses me. I’m impressed that I knew to ask for consent for a kiss in a safe and calm way, in a safe, calm space, and to listen for his answer and for him to give his consent, and for me to understand also that I could withdraw my consent.
I have met Robbie Williams a couple of times since then. He doesn’t remember.
It’s been 23 years, but that’s the story that everybody wants to hear. They also want to know if anything happened between us after that. Robbie is very authentic. I think in the persona you see on camera and off, it’s the same person. And he made it pretty politely clear that I wasn’t his type. In the nicest possible way.
