THERE has been a huge spike in Americans searching the term "move to Scotland" in the wake of the US election – and we're here to help.
Are you a hopeful US citizen keen to escape the incoming Trumpian hellscape?
You're in the right place. We'll keep you right every step of the way.
Well ... not all the way. Unfortunately we're not able to help with the visa process. Since the Labour Government refuses to devolve immigration powers to Holyrood (despite Scottish Labour's insistence that they would), you should know you'll have to make it through the Home Office's many demands in order to make the move here.
But once you get past that shambolic Westminster department, you'll be very welcome New Scots.
These are some key facts for you about what will, hopefully, be your new home.
1) Edinburgh
Edinburgh is an amazing city – in recent years we've had a big increase of American tourists coming to see the historic sights and spot filming locations from the likes of hit show Outlander.
It's great to see our capital city received so well by visitors. But if you want to make Scotland your permanent home, you really need to make a chance. If you say "Edin-boro" or "Edinburg", you risk losing any electoral sympathy points you may have won from Scots. It's "Ed-in-bruh", please.
2) Glasgow
Much along the same lines – we've experienced a relentless epidemic of Americans confidently saying "Glass-gow" (gow sounding like cow) and we need to address it. We'd love you to make a home here, but please. Glas-go. It's not much to ask.
3) Your family tree
It is wonderful that you're well-informed about your family emigrating to the US from the Western Isles. Many Scots wish they could trace their history back in the way Americans do. However, Scotland is quite big. The chance that we know your great-granny who lived in Dundee is probably quite low. We appreciate the interest but don't be disappointed when the answer is no.
4) The Scottish map
Scotland is really quite big. We have eight cities, and around 5.5 million residents. In films and on TV when people touch down at a Scottish airport and jump in a taxi, you might be used to seeing them drive to their destination along rugged country roads, avoiding herds of sheep in the process. This will probably not be the case if you're flying into Edinburgh or Glasgow, unless something has gone quite wrong. Your commute is more likely to involve being frustrated with ScotRail or First Bus than farm animals. Also, the Highlands is absolutely massive.
5) Scotch
Scotch is whisky. Scottish people are just Scottish.
6) Mythical creatures
Scotland is a modern country, but we have our own quirks too. Yes, the unicorn is our national animal. Around one in four of us believe in the Loch Ness Monster. We have wonderful mythical stories about creatures like selkies, which are special seal people.
7) Haggis
Haggis may be banned in the US, but it's not all as bad as your government have told you. Trust us. You have chlorinated chicken – so relax. You're only likely to encounter haggis on special events like Burns Night or a nice restaurant, and it's worth giving it a go. You might love it. You should! It's delicious!
8) New Scots
Those who have moved from abroad to Scotland for any reason are often known as New Scots. We welcome people from all over the world. Scotland isn't perfect, but we want to make you feel at home. Unlike the incoming Trump administration, the Scottish Government has promoted universalism – free prescriptions, baby boxes for new parents, free tuition fees and much more.
We hope this guide helps you in your new journey. We can't wait to welcome you.
