The prosecution: Yonke
Chioma eats the food I have bought and cooked without asking. She needs to learn some manners
Living in the family home at the age of 29 is not for the faint-hearted. I’m grateful for the opportunity to save money in the cost of living crisis, but it comes with challenges. In my house, many of these are food-related. Mine is with my mum and sister Chioma, but as Mum is the one keeping a roof over my head, I’m going to complain about my sister.
Everyone eats my food. I can’t keep anything in the fridge because it’s just seen as a free-for-all. If I ever order a takeaway just for me, the leftovers are gone before I can blink. I once put a whole roast chicken in there, which I was going to make salads with, but Mum put the whole thing into a stew.
We do have some family meals together, which Mum prepares for me and Chioma, and we all contribute to a family food shop for those items.
Mum’s cooking is delicious, but full of palm oil and quite carb-heavy (we’re Nigerian). I’m health conscious and like prepping dishes for the week just for myself. I like to batch-cook turkey burgers and my own suya (beef strips) to take into work, with some salad on the side, and keep the rest in the fridge.
Chioma will always eat that food and then say later: “Oh, I didn’t know if it was yours or what Mum had prepared for everyone, and I was hungry.” But that’s no excuse. Chioma doesn’t work as much as me and Mum, and often gets home before us. She could send a simple text to ask whose food is whose, but instead she just tucks into whatever she finds.
The other week we had an argument because I’d made mac and cheese and placed it in a Tupperware box and Chioma ate it within a day. I said: “You knew that was mine.” But she tried to play innocent. Chioma rarely cooks for everyone, which makes the whole thing even more irritating. She also wants me to label every little thing I cook, but I don’t have time for that. Chioma needs to find some manners and stop treating me like an unpaid private chef.
The defence: Chioma
If Yonke doesn’t want to share her food, she should do a completely separate shop on her own
When Yonke makes a dish, it’s only for her – even when she’s used the ingredients that we’ve all paid for. That’s why her argument doesn’t make sense. She’s a bit selfish, in my opinion: we all live at home together, so we share food.
Yonke seems to think we should all have separate meals and food at all times, but it just doesn’t work like that with a family that often eats together. Yes, there are some things that I know are hers, like her yoghurts, but the reality is that we all contribute to our mum’s household bills, so we can share dishes. If Yonke doesn’t want to share her food, she should do a completely separate shop on her own.
She should also label her own dishes and make it clear when something is just for her. She keeps her things in the same Tupperware that Mum uses and gets very annoyed when I accidentally eat her food.
If I come home famished and there is no way to tell whose food is whose, how am I to blame? Mum often cooks Nigerian food for us, and Yonke also cooks it, even though she says she doesn’t. It can be hard to tell the difference. She also said that I don’t cook at all, but that’s not true. I sometimes fill in for Mum in the kitchen and I am certainly not precious about sharing the things I have made.
The three of us generally get on quite well, but for some reason food is a touchy subject. There were times when we were kids when we struggled to afford groceries, so perhaps we are overly territorial about food now.
Our mum doesn’t understand the concept of having separate dishes, but Yonke is a bit of a hoarder. Maybe it’s because Yonke is older than me, and remembers times growing up when money was tight, whereas I’m less precious about food because I didn’t struggle as much.
I could definitely try to be more considerate about her dishes, because I don’t want her to be upset, but I really think some labels would help.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Yonke be ‘less precious’ about her food?
Chioma shouldn’t eat Yonke’s food – and she should cook more for the family. Yonke, a quick fix would be to buy some coloured Tupperware so you don’t have to faff around with labels. That way, everyone would know at a glance the food they aren’t allowed to touch.
Kitty, 32
Given that the food in question is bought by the family, it’s not unreasonable for either Chioma or their mother to share it. This is clearly a communication issue that needs a family chat to resolve. If Yonke wants to cook and eat her own food, she needs to buy it herself, then label it accordingly.
Chris, 70
I would call another witness in this case, namely Mum! Three adults sharing a house requires a huge amount of effort by everybody to make it work. Chioma’s last sentence acknowledges that she has crossed a line by agreeing to be more considerate.
Peter, 71
Yonke should label her food if she doesn’t want to share it. Buy some Tupperware and label the boxes “do not touch”. I hate people eating my food unless I offer it to them!
Belinda, 64
Yonke is OK with sharing the food prepared from the shared grocery list. It is her food that she doesn’t like to share and she should not have to label it every time she cooks. Just because Chioma is OK to share her food doesn’t mean others should automatically be so, too.
Shamin, 36
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Chioma leave Yonke’s food alone?
The poll closes on 29 August at 10am BST
Last week’s result
We asked if Rob should have to consult his girlfriend Becky before getting his hair cut.
9% of you said Rob is guilty
91% of you said Rob is innocent
