The prosecution: Monty
The suitcase hangs around the bedroom for weeks. It’s crazy
My girlfriend and I disagree over packing and unpacking etiquette. Whenever we get back from holiday, Kiran leaves her case in our bedroom for weeks on end. I just don’t understand it.
My view is that once you’ve got home, you empty your case out, put a wash on and then put the case away. Kiran will sometimes wash her dirty laundry fairly quickly, but then continue leaving the clean clothes in her case for another few weeks.
I will ask her to put her stuff away and even after she relents, she will still keep the case in the corner of the room instead of putting it back in our attic, where it belongs. I find it crazy. One time, after a holiday to Greece, the case, full of clothes, lived in our bedroom for about five weeks, after which point I tipped all her stuff out and put the case away myself. That forced the issue, but I shouldn’t have to do that.
When I get home from a trip, the first thing I do, after showering and sleeping, is take my clothes out and put the case away. The holiday is over. Boom. Move on. Kiran doesn’t want to accept that.
But also, when we are on holiday, the same principle of denial applies. Whereas I will always fold and hang my clothes up, Kiran will not. She seems to be diametrically opposed to the idea of living well and just leaves all her stuff in her case throughout the trip. Why would you not want to feel at home when you are on holiday? Keeping all your clothes folded up and crumpled inside is just weird.
If Kiran has a nice dress, sometimes she will take that out, but the rest of the stuff remains in the case. It’s odd behaviour. Kiran is definitely not super conscious about tidiness in general. She leaves lids of bottles around and dirty laundry stacked up.
We’ve lived together for four years and been together for seven, so I’m used to it by now, but now that she’s 35, I’d like to see some changes. Next time we go on holiday, I’d like her too unpack her stuff like a normal adult, and then when we get home, I’d like her to put her stuff away within a week.
The defence: Kiran
I can’t be bothered to unpack everything the second we get in the door
I can’t really explain the reason why I don’t like unpacking my suitcase after a big trip. It’s just sort of embedded in my DNA. Also I just can’t be bothered to unpack everything the second we get in the door.
Monty says it’s because I like to live in denial. I guess that’s true: I don’t want to accept that the holiday is over. Keeping the case in the corner of my bedroom allows me to deny the fact that we’re actually home – it keeps me in holiday mode for a little longer.
I don’t think it really disturbs Monty all that much. He has his bag, which he puts away, and I have mine, which I store under our desk. Who cares when I take my clothes out? Once he told me I was “weird” for leaving a suitcase out for around a month after a trip to Greece. I came home from work and he had emptied its contents all over the floor and put the case into the attic. I told him that was irritating, because I was actually going to put it away myself – I just hadn’t got around to it. He said he was sick of looking at it.
I don’t think my habit of living out of my case when we go away is strange either. And it’s also not as bad as Monty says. If I have silk dresses, expensive items or toiletries, I will take them out. But swimwear, beach clothes and everything else usually stays in the case. It’s because we are only ever on holiday for a week or two at most, so I don’t see the point in arranging everything as if we were at home, only to put it back in the case a few days later.
I prefer this way of doing things and I can’t say I will bend over backwards to live like Monty, who lines up his shoes, and folds and puts away his underwear – that’s a real waste of time on holiday when we could be sunbathing or living it up in the local town.
Monty has definitely always been the tidier one in our relationship, but after seven years together he should know what he’s getting with me by now. I don’t think my suitcase habits are harming anyone so he might have to put up and shut up.
The jury of Guardian readers
Does Monty have a case?
I can empathise with Monty as this is an issue in my house, but he is her partner, not her dad. Next time, instead of dumping her clothes on the floor, why not wash them and put them away? They are partners, not housemates.
Jackie, 46
Monty’s compromise of a week is fair, but unpacking is clearly not something Kiran wants to do. What if Monty offers to do her unpacking in addition to his and, in return, Kiran takes on a task Monty doesn’t like doing?
Jamie, 49
Monty should welcome the extra storage space available to him if Kiran wants to live out of her suitcase on holiday. Back home, if Monty is so bothered he could, without making a fuss, unpack for her.
Manon, 66
Tidiness is clearly one of Monty’s core values, so I do have some sympathy for his protestations. However, expecting Kiran to unpack on arrival at a romantic getaway screams killjoy, and anyone who tells their partner that they are “diametrically opposed to the idea of living well” needs to get a grip.
Lindsay, 31
What kind of partnership is this? Monty makes a virtue out of putting things “where they belong”. He’d like to “see some changes from her”. He wants her to behave like “a normal adult”. He calls her habit of keeping her clothes in the suitcase “weird”. Monty should focus on why he can’t live with a bit of untidiness from the partner with whom he has chosen to set up home.
Stewart, 62
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Kiran fold in the face of Monty’s criticism?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 12 October
Last week’s result
We asked if Noreen should stop bringing her dates home?
14% of you said yes – Noreen is guilty
86% of you said no – Noreen is innocent
