The prosecution: Barry
She says I’m trying to control her, but why invest in a fancy pair if they only last five minutes?
My girlfriend Monica is always losing stuff. She’s sensible with big items, but loses track of smaller things. She’s had to get our house keys replaced three times and she’s always losing her sunglasses.
But for some reason she now wants to buy some more expensive ones. She says she wants to upgrade her style, but I think there are better ways to do it than buying a stupidly expensive pair of sunglasses that she will lose in a week. I bought her a flash pair for a birthday a couple of years ago and I think they were gone in six months. She actually kept that from me for a while as she was so ashamed, but when I found out, I just laughed.
Monica said she lost them as we were travelling around Europe at the time, but I don’t think that’s an excuse. Back home, we have had to dash back to countless cafes and restaurants when Monica suddenly remembers she has left her sunglasses on the table. I keep advising her not to invest in a fancy pair but she says, “You’re trying to control me.” It’s not that; it’s because they’ll only last her five minutes. When you lose a £200 pair, you can’t just replace them. You’ve got to feel the burn. That helps you learn your lesson.
At the moment, Monica buys the same high street pair every month, because she loses them so often. She said she would look after them better if she had more expensive ones, but that doesn’t make sense. If you can’t look after cheap ones, why bother buying the pricey ones?
Also, they are just sunglasses. No one can tell what the brand is unless you’re one of those fashion-conscious people. Monica has been eyeing some Gucci and Versace ones. If she wants to upgrade her style, I think it would be better to buy a nice dress, say. Monica loves looking nice and I get that, but until she’s learned to look after her sunglasses, I can’t condone her getting designer ones. I told her to attach them to a chain at the very least, but she said she doesn’t like how that looks.
The defence: Monica
It’s annoying to be told what to wear by a man. As a feminist, I reject his suggestions
Barry makes me sound like a right idiot here, but I’m actually pretty organised with my job and running our household. I handle all our bills and the cooking, but he’s left that out.
I just think that I have ADHD (undiagnosed), which is why I lose little things. I will start a task and forget to finish it, or put something down, forget it’s there and walk off. I’ve done that quite a lot with my sunglasses, and Barry has held it against me ever since I lost a rather expensive pair he bought me. I think the brand was Prada or something.
I don’t think I have expensive taste, but as I’ve got older I have tried to create a capsule wardrobe: investing in a few high-end pieces to go with more classic items, and steering away from fast fashion. I’m 34 now so I don’t want to waste money on cheap things. But as Barry has pointed out, I do lose my sunglasses a lot so maybe it wouldn’t be worth buying pricey ones as I’d end up having to rebuy them.
He says that if I buy fancy ones, I should attach them to a chain. I’ve noticed that is a bit of a trend at the moment, but I don’t really like the look of it.
At the moment I buy the same cheap high-street pair every few months as they cost about £10, but I really do think that if I had more expensive ones, I’d take better care of them. I’ve only lost one pricey pair, to be fair, so Barry’s fears are unwarranted.
I also think it’s a bit annoying to be told what to wear and how to wear it by a man. As a feminist, I reject his suggestions: I don’t want to have to think about how I spend my money or be accountable to him. Women have fought for my right to spend £600 a year on designer sunglasses; he shouldn’t try to dictate my spending.
Summer is coming so I might ignore his advice and just rock up in our garden with a really flash pair on my face. He will laugh and tell me they will last “five minutes” but at the end of the day that’s my problem, not his.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Monica take Barry’s advice and stick to cheap sunglasses?
I have a gut feeling that Barry is trying to control Monica, and I dislike his attitude. She is entitled to spend her money on anything she wants. Although I disagree with her comment that women “fought for my right to spend £600 on designer sunglasses”. I think they fought for the vote and equal opportunities and wages!
Belinda, 64
Barry shouldn’t try to dictate Monica’s decisions because he thinks he knows best. If she loses her own property, so what? I can sympathise with Barry on the house keys more as that’s a shared responsibility, but for apparel, he needs to relax. Also, his use of words like “inane” and “stupidly” suggests a basic lack of respect for Monica.
Ciaran, 34
Adults have a right to work hard and spend their own money on things they enjoy. One may choose to spend it on a crate of cheap cider, another on an expensive bottle of wine, and a third may buy a pair of designer sunglasses – and there is nothing wrong with any of these choices.
Marcin, 47
Barry is making a mountain out of a molehill here, but fundamentally I agree with him: Monica shouldn’t buy expensive sunglasses if she’s definitely going to lose them. My advice to her: get a chain, and get a bum bag.
Alice, 26
Monica should definitely be allowed to buy fab, expensive sunglasses! Barry sounds like a bit of control freak. However annoying it may be when Monica loses things, they’re her things to lose.
Catriona, 71
Now you be the judge
In our online poll, tell us: should Monica keep it cheap?
The poll closes on Thursday 16 May at 10am BST
Results from our You be the judge money special
More than 71,000 of you voted in last week’s special issue. Here’s what you told us …
We asked whether Mikey should listen to his fiancee Jana and agree to open a joint bank account
85% of you said yes – Mikey is guilty
15% of you said no – Mikey is not guilty
We asked if Martin’s mum Patricia should buy his brother a house, when Martin didn’t get the same amount of help
79% of you said yes – Patricia is guilty
21% of you said no – Patricia is not guilty
We asked whether the high-earning Lily should be more mindful of her best friend Michelle’s tighter financial situation
59% of you said yes – Lily is guilty
41% of you said no – Lily is not guilty
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