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So, a Redditor asked ladies of Reddit to share things that were absolutely offensive to them despite the guy genuinely (seemingly) thinking it’s a compliment. Otherwise they wouldn’t have said it, right?
The post reached 7,000 upvotes and generated a conversation of 4,400 comments.
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If we were to consider this from a psychological perspective, there are three kinds of people: those who think before they speak, those who speak before they think, and those who can do both at an equal speed.
The rarest breed of folks is definitely that last one, and you might not have met any such individual, but they exist, rest assured.
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It all boils down to how one’s brain and tongue are wired. Human nature expert Andrea Kihlstedt exemplified this with her husband. He’s a thinker before a talker—so much so, in fact, that sometimes whenever Andrea engages him in a conversation and asks him a question, he takes so much time to come back with an answer that she thinks he might not have heard her.
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Well, he did—he was just considering his words before answering carefully. Thoroughly.
Conversely, Andrea also has a friend who speaks before she thinks. Sometimes her speech gets so fast that she begins answering a question that her brain registered halfway through the conversation, but that wasn’t the actual one.
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Those sound like two extremes, but they signify one’s thinking patterns and the way their brain processes information. The easier approach to this is to adapt to it. By that, she means that you can train yourself not to jump in immediately with your response to a response. Which, when you think about it, is a good thing—patience, and not cutting off someone mid-way.
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Some people process their thoughts as they speak while others need to think what to say before they say it. And understanding that in yourself will help you identify the same thing in others.
Ask yourself, do you respond quickly while your mind is still thinking about it? Or do you wait to muster a thought and then execute it with your noise-hole?
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The rule of thumb, however, is to always try to think before you speak. While the other approach is definitely an option—you need to hear yourself think and whatnot—but not everyone is ready to hear your wild thoughts. The world is ripe with people looking to misinterpret and misunderstand things. So, train yourself to think first, and speak later. We’ll wait.
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It helps to evaluate your answer in terms of whether what you’re about to say is true, helpful, important, necessary and kind. Incidentally, that spells think. You’re welcome.
But it is true—telling someone lies might hurt them, let alone ruin your reputation. Telling someone something helpful will actually bring good to them.
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Same goes for whether it’s important and necessary—especially in this day and age where we filter out the information based on how important and necessary it is to us.
If a person speaks the opposite, however, that will immediately put you on that Reddit list as someone who is hateful, hurtful or plain old dumb.
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So, what are your thoughts on any of this? Ever got an inappropriate compliment that could make this list? Share them in the comment section below!
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I don't like men complimenting me by bringing other women down. I work in a male dominated field and a lot of men seem to think it's a compliment to say "most women couldn't do this" or "wow, you drink beer, I'm glad you're not a fruity drink girl!"
Women can like whatever they want without it changing their personality and the best way to compliment someone is to compliment them, not put down other people.Probably the most disgusting would be stuff similar to "i can't wait until you're legal".I was 8 months pregnant at a Flea Market in Florida. Walked by a dude with my ex and he looked at us and said “Both white, done right” “Keeping the white breed alive”, “beautiful”. My ex immediately said “Oh I’m not the dad, he’s black.” The look on the dudes once confident face….Basically everything that's followed by "for a woman".I didn't know he was behind me until I heard him next to my ear. "You smell so good I could kidnap you." The tone froze my blood. He was a truck driver and older than dirt. I hope he drove off a cliff into a frozen lake.When I was 14 I sat at a bus stop, a man sat down next to me and said "you know, I'm 68 now but I'm still into young pretty girls like you".
Made the hair at the back of my neck stand up and I immediately took off. Since then I could never view an old man as just a cute grandpa.I will literally never forget it:
"You're not conventionally like, a hot girl. But you're still like, pretty. Which is so much better."
The sprint I spranted.“You look less fat today”.That he wishes he could fuse my head on my best friend's body. I'm more conventionally attractive, but she's petite and I'm sturdier, like my strong fisherman ancestors lol. Dude genuinely thought he was complimenting us both. ?.Not me but I heard a colleague say "I bet you were a stunner when you were younger" to our COO at a staff party.
I knew he meant it as a compliment but ouch.....One time a cab driver told me I looked “kidnapable”.A bloke came up to my wife and said” you’re too pretty to be in a wheelchair”.«How do you not have a boyfriend? You’re so pretty!» Five min later: «You’re very pretty.» Said to me when I was 21, by my 50m psychologist.Not a woman but recently heard a guy (customer) say to a woman (clerk) "You're so pretty if knew where you lived I'd totally watch you with my drone".A customer saw me sweeping the floor. Looked at me with hungry wolf eyes, nearly salivating, and said “You’re sure gonna make a great wife one day”.
P R I C K."I've always wanted to have sex with a black woman"."You have a face that would do well in trafficking."...by this random guy walking past my car while I was sitting in a parking lot, waiting for my daughter.. I rolled up my window.“You have horse legs”
(Guy intended to compliment my leg musculature but instead left me envisioning myself as a literal centaur).'You're pretty! For an Indian' ?.“It’s pretty impressive how hard you’re working to become a philosopher when youre pretty enough to just go find some rich guy and live off him for the rest of your life.”."Bill Clinton would have loved for you to be his intern" - said to me back in the late 90s and still disgusted by this comment to this day."just so you know I really like brown women, I can handle the heat" - some random dude
Like what are you even talking about ☠️ go home ☠️.“I feel like we are already in a relationship but if you promise to lose weight we can make it official”.For a girl, you really seem to understand Science."You're too pretty to be in pain" ... Thanks pal I'll put in a complaint for incorrect punishment.I think the worst thing was a question: '*How much are you*?' This was quickly followed by a sneering laugh, his mates joining in.I was talking about dieting with a coworker and he said “don’t lose any weight, girls your size are the most fun to eat out” ?."Your eyes are pretty and big for an Asian".“If you had a d**k, you’d be perfect” Sir… what? "Not having a job looks great on you" - said to me by an ex after I'd been unemployed for a month and had lost considerable weight due to stress & etc.In my defense I was trying to flirt with her ok lol
I once told my crush while we were flirting that "I feel like I lose a braincell talking to you" but what I meant was that I can be myself around her and I'm usually pretty smart but for some reason when I talk to her I don't think things over I just go for it but noooo my brain was like f**k it we ball with that sentence lol.Not a woman and didn't happen to me but i witnessed it. Guy and girl giving it big licks on the dance floor for a few songs. After they were finished he said "You don't sweat much for a fat burd".......that has been seared in my memory for the best part of fifteen years. Still gobsmacked when i think about it.“You’d be so pretty with makeup on.”.I got a new sports car last year & when a man saw it he asked if my husband let me drive his car. My husband drives a truck."Youre too pretty to do that" (cutting) (Emt)
"I dont think youre depressed I think youre just a cute fun girl" (guy who wanted to date me).“you’re beautiful on the inside”.“I had a great time with you tonight even tho I didn’t get to have sex. “.That 90 percent of men “would” sleep with me.I won an award at work. At the time I was a supervisor of my department and had 5 people reporting to me. One of the VP’s told me it was nice to see the ‘little people’ get recognized.I see you drinking 1%. Is that cause you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted to.
