Marriage brings many questions. The first is obvious: "Will you marry me?" Then come the rest: Will your living situation change? How will it impact your finances? Will it affect your children? But women today are increasingly asking another: Should they change their names, and if so, should it be public or private?
The vast majority of brides in heterosexual relationships are choosing to take their new husband's surnames, with eight in ten women making the change after their wedding day.
But increasingly younger women—and those who are not yet married—are planning on making the switch only in their personal lives.
Online and professionally, their name will remain their birth name, the moniker under which they have earned their academic achievements, professional milestones, and personal brand acumen.
A recent study found that 35% of unmarried millennial and Gen X women planned to keep their surname in a professional context after marriage, and 29% of Gen Z women said the same.
The research from media, transformation, and experiences business, The Female Quotient, surveyed more than 6,000 people and found that personal branding is a driving factor for the retention of a maiden name from a career perspective.
Particularly with the rise of social media, a third of Gen Z women said they wouldn't want to change their social media handles and lose the reputation they have built.
Fortune interviewed both women and men who had their own reasons for the decision: safety, privacy, or a clearer divide between their work and home lives.
One thing's clear: this is a phenomenon that is only going to become more prevalent.
'My names are different for my child's safety'
Alex Banta chose not to change her legal name after marrying in October 2019, citing a practical reason: as a therapist, all her qualifications and licenses were under her maiden name. Changing it would mean potentially losing access to her research and cases, along with the hassle of reapplying for certifications.
However, the 31-year-old did adopt her husband's name in her personal life—using it on social media, wedding correspondence, and among friends and family. As a clinical director and couples therapist, Banta had previously worked at a children's hospital with abuse victims. To protect her privacy and that of her family, she preferred being difficult to trace online.
But after welcoming her daughter four months ago, Banta was surprised by the emotional impact of not sharing the same legal surname as her child.
"I'm a very practical person, and beforehand, I thought, 'This makes sense practically, it's for her safety, it's important,'" Banta told Fortune. "Then when they handed me the birth certificate, I suddenly felt, 'Oh man.' I wanted us to be a cohesive family unit. I had this moment of, 'Are people going to believe I'm her mother? If we have different last names, how do I prove it without carrying her birth certificate around?'"
How AI is playing a role in deciding whether to keep your name
Among her peers Banta—of Columbus, Ohio—is not unique in her decision to keep her legal name.
Indeed, she's part of a growing group of men and women choosing to separate their personal and professional identities.
The retention of a consistent surname throughout one's working career is going to become more important, believes Shelley Zalis, founder and CEO of the Female Quotient, because of AI.
Zalis points to the algorithms already embedded into AI, which scrape existing information from the internet and other content sources. If individuals change their name, the algorithm is unlikely to be sophisticated enough to update automatically.
"I think there's only three moments where you think about it," Zalis tells Fortune. "The first is when you think about children and what you want their name to be, the second is divorce, and the third is if your partner cares about it.
"Nobody ever thought about [the algorithm impact] before because this is a new issue—but it's only going to become more of an issue," she continued.
'I took my wife's name professionally'
In 2018, Toronto-based Jason Wingate decided to create a greater degree of separation between his work and home life.
As the CEO of the brand growth company Emerald Ocean, Wingate didn't want to choose a seemingly random name with which to establish his professional identity. So he used his wife's surname, Dr Sophia Bello, instead.
"I just figured it was kind of a twist on the stereotypical," Wingate tells Fortune. "I had been in business for a number of years but I thought for new clients I could slowly work over to the new name and when I'd reach out to new suppliers I'd use that new name.
"I did that for a few years until really this year. The only reason I changed back was because it got confusing when I started doing more publicity."
Wingate said he encountered very few questions—and minimal snide remarks—about his decision to use his wife's name at work, and fewer still to change it back.
Moreover, Wingate's goal to better split his work and home personas has had little impact, he explained, because people recognize his company's name rather than his individual emails.
Wingate's conversations with his wife—about her not changing her legal name, about him using her name at work, and about him reverting back to his birth name—have all been very relaxed, he added.
"She was already a doctor when we got married, of course it didn't matter that she didn't take my name," Wingate said. "I think she was happy when I used her name for work, it was nice when we would go to events for work and we'd have the same surname."
'A name change is my goal'
Online visibility is precisely why publicist Macy Mohr hasn't yet changed her name—legally or professionally.
But at home she goes by her married name, McTavish, and looks forward to the day where she can use her husband's surname across both her professional and private life.
Mohr said that retaining the reputation she built academically and professionally under her maiden name also allows her to bring a stronger persona to her working life.
The Denver, Colorado-based communications expert explained: "I wanted to honor myself and the work I put behind my name, obviously its hard in the media to build a reputation and I didn't want to start over with a clean slate.
"It's been very beneficial. I like to keep work and life separate, I tell my husband 'Leave it at the door', as in leave your personal problems at the door when you're at your job and vice versa. It's really helped me maintain that work-life balance when I'm spending quality time or on social media as McTavish."
But Mohr also has a two-year deadline in mind for when she legally wants to change her name to McTavish—the timeframe set out because of travel arrangements under her maiden name.
Within six to seven years, she'd like to change her professional name, too: "I do want to graduate from my last name eventually. The sentiment is feeling like I'm building into my married name and transferring from my past into my future.
"Although I have my adult life in my maiden name, I have more value and sentiment from what's to come."
Ultimately her advice to people grappling with this issue is simple: "Dig deep on what's meaningful to you ... or just wait. It's OK, you don't have to make any rash decisions just because you're getting married, that's not what it's about."
