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Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
Lifestyle
Ben Thompson & Julia Banim

Woman with disabilities shares most 'outrageous' questions she and her husband receive

A woman with disabilities has opened up about some of the more "outrageous" things she and her husband get asked, including questions about how the couple manages to have sex.

John and Jade Reynolds say they regularly get asked intrusive questions, both online and face-to-face, but are able to forgive people for their nosiness, and now want to improve awareness about inter-abled relationships.

Mum-of-two Jade was first diagnosed with acute transverse myelitis of her spinal cord when she was 12 years old and has been a wheelchair user for 20 years.

She says she gets asked things able-bodied people would never get asked, including whether or not she can have children. She's even had to put up with one person asking to touch her legs to see if she could feel them.

The couple, who met at Bible college, now work together to raise some much-needed awareness both through their podcast, Bring to Light, as well as through their social media platforms.

The couple often get asked intrusive questions online as well as face-to-face (Kennedy News and Media)
The couple work together to raise awareness of life with disabilities (Kennedy News and Media)

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In a recent TikTok video, John, 33, listed typical questions he gets asked about his wife of six years, including whether or not they 'have sex' and whether Jade can be "a good mum." The video has since clocked up more than four million views.

Youth pastor John, of Preston, Lancashire, said: "On the video about questions I get asked, the vast majority of people were like 'Oh my gosh, that's outrageous', but there is probably one or two percent who still wanted to know the answers.

"A lot of people still feel entitled to know the answers to these questions. The concern is that some of the questions can be a bit perversive and fetishise us. It's strange - it's like 'Why would you ask that?' Why would you ask questions about our sex lives?"

They've previously been asked whether Jade can be "a good mum" (Kennedy News and Media)
John says people "feel entitled to know the answers to these questions" (Kennedy News and Media)

Jade, 32, said: "I've met people and within the first two minutes of meeting them, they've wanted to know everything about my disability. I think most disabled people can relate to that.

"I don't mind talking about it, but there are people who will ask very invasive questions without having that type of relationship with me. If I'm having a bad day, these questions can get me quite frustrated. If I'm having a good day, I can just laugh it off.

"As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at drawing boundaries with people and saying 'I don't want to talk about that'. I met somebody at a community event who was quite intrigued by my situation and said for me to close my eyes for a second.

"He couldn't understand how I couldn't feel my legs and wanted to test it. I said 'I don't know you, I'm not going to close my eyes and let you touch my legs. That's a little inappropriate'.

Although comments can get very personal, Jade feels they "stem from ignorance rather than malice", noting how "disabled people aren't represented a lot in society besides stuff like the Paralympics."

Jade has had to put up with one person trying to touch her leg (Kennedy News and Media)
Jade has previously had people "project their insecurities" on her (Kennedy News and Media)

According to Jade, she has heard of other wheelchair users being asked whether they feared their spouse would leave them, and has found people will "project their insecurities" on her.

Jade continued: "They'd say 'If I was in a wheelchair, I'd be worried that my partner would leave me.' I never think that. I find a lot of people project their fears too.

"That can be quite frustrating - 'If I was you, I don't think I'd want to live'. It's very shocking, but I don't think the people who say that realise how bad it sounds. I'm enjoying my life and I don't need people to put that on me."

The couple says they are more easily able to forgive people for their bluntness because of their shared Christian faith, with John stating they "give people the benefit of the doubt and forgive because we all make mistakes."

John added: Our faith helps us in speaking to people about disabilities. Everybody knows deep down that disability doesn't reduce your worth as a human being.

"Some of the questions around whether Jade can be a good mum are less offensive in that we know people asking that are ignorant. If they're asking if a person in a wheelchair can be a good mum, they obviously don't know a lot of people in wheelchairs.

"You just feel a little sorry for people who ask those questions."

Have you been treated differently because of your disability? We pay for stories. Email us at julia.banim@reachplc.com

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