Two people hold hands.
(Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto)People who work in porn have long been thought of as experts when it comes to forming intimate relationships with others, it is part of their job after all.
So when a woman who works in the porn industry lists out her thoughts on why many men just can’t seem to find love nowadays, we’re inclined to believe her.
Medium writer Ossiana Tepfenhart penned an essay on the publication site titled, “I Work In Porn. I Know Why So Many Men Are Single.”
Tepfenhart began by explaining her qualifications for making her astute observations. She wrote, “As a person who hangs out with adult film stars, I know that you don’t have to be 6'1 with a sick physique to get laid. Everyone is someone’s fantasy, and your looks only are one small factor among many that make relationships possible.”
“Ever wonder what’s going on here? Why are so many men single these days?” she asks, before saying, “I got a little insight for you.”
Tepfenhart then goes on to share their top 10 reasons why men appear to largely remain single as opposed to women.
The first reason being: “Social skills are not as common as they once were.”
Tepfenhart blames the internet for that one, writing: “You don’t need to have face-to-face interaction skills to get by anymore. It’s true. The trope of the “socially awkward computer programmer” is a real one.”
Second: “Men are being fed a steady diet of bad and unhealthy dating advice.”
The writer chalks the above due to a stream of bad dating advice found on dating advice sites, further explaining that typically the guidance found from these can be extremely toxic.
They then suggest that men “try to befriend women” and “actually listen to them and learn to see them as people” in order to make your dating life blossom.
Third: “If I was honest, I don’t think that most men know what they should expect or want in a relationship.”
You can thank dating advice sites for this one too as well as “mainstream Hollywood” according to Tepfenhart.
“Unfortunately, media tends to make men think that they all will get a modelesque woman with minimal effort. Or, in the case of the Hollywood rom-com, that women who were not initially interested in them will love them if they’re pursued aggressively enough,” she explains.
Fourth: “Many men feel like relationships are too much effort and cost too much money for them — and that is okay!”
The fourth reason is largely influenced by the high price tag that comes with dating and going out with your partner. Not only can this drain your wallet, but it’s also just plain draining in general.
In the end, the writer shares that if the toll of dating is too much, both financially and mentally, it’s perfectly OK to walk away.
Fifth: “A lot of men also don’t prioritize the right traits for their potential partners.”
According to the writer, more and more men are prioritizing lust and physical attraction over chemistry—which is a foolproof way to ensure it ends in disaster.
“Status does not equate to compatibility,” writes Tepfenhart. She explains, that many people lie to themselves about what they’re into if it means that being with a conventionally attractive person will make them look good.
She added: “if you’re chasing beauty, you’re going to be very upset when those looks fade. There’s a reason why trophy wives divorce so frequently.”
Sixth: “Some men got burned horribly and are just not willing to risk it again.”
In this reason, some men just refuse to fuel the flames of another relationship if their previous one ended poorly. The writer insists that if someone isn’t ready to embark on another romantic relationship, there’s no timeline you need to follow. And men’s emotional needs are often overlooked.
“Healing can take a lifetime, and it’s time we understand that to be true for men, too. You don’t need a relationship to validate you. Only you can validate you.”
Seventh: “Sometimes, it’s just about not having a spark.”
The writer offers up only four sentences for the above: “True story. I have a guyfriend who is straight as an arrow, but never met someone that really made him go “WOW.” He’s holding out for his WOW. We can all respect that.”
Eighth: “Some men are just not emotionally healthy enough to keep a relationship.”
“Healthy women desire healthy men,” the writer asserts.
This one makes tons of sense. If you’re not emotionally stable enough to engage in a healthy relationship with someone, it won’t last and will often end in the other party running for the hills.
“Men like this often (but not always) stay single. Those who don’t often end up being outed as abusers later.”
Ninth: “Some guys just don’t feel like they’re in a good place to be in a relationship.”
Tepfenhart urges people to work on themselves first before they work on forming a relationship.
“The more you have to offer, the more likely it is that you can find someone else who wants to help you build a life together.”
And finally: “sometimes, it’s just bad luck.”
Right place, wrong time. To quote my favorite show How I Met Your Mother, “if you have chemistry you only need one other thing: timing. But timing is a b***h.” You can have all the chemistry in the world but if the timing isn’t right it won’t work no matter how hard you try, and that’s no one’s fault.
“Sometimes, we come off weird, or ask out the wrong person at the wrong time. It happens to the best of us.”
