The way to someone’s heart is often through their stomach. Bring your crush warm, freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, and they’ll be swooning in no time. Make a delicious, comforting lasagna on date night, and your partner will be absolutely smitten.
But relationships should be 50/50, and it’s going to leave a sour taste in your partner’s mouth if you refuse to help out in the kitchen at all. One woman recently reached out to Mumsnet asking for advice after she decided that she was tired of doing all of the meal preparation in her household. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as a conversation with Relationship Coach Jane Parker.
Cooking for your partner can be an act of love
But this woman is tired of being expected to do all the cooking in her household, even after working incredibly long hours
Later, the woman shared even more details about her situation
Women do the bulk of meal preparation in the vast majority of households
Image credits: On Shot / pexels (not the actual photo)
Cooking for or with your partner is a great way to strengthen your relationship. In fact, 71% of Americans say that cooking is their love language, and over 80% of people who are currently in relationships find it impressive when their partner makes them a delicious meal.
Nearly three quarters of Americans also say that cooking alongside their partner is one of their favorite activities, and 70% love cooking with their family members as well.
But just like many other acts of love, cooking can be a wonderful experience when you choose to do it or a huge chore when you’re expected to spend hours in the kitchen.
And despite the fact that feminism has come a long way during the past century, it’s still incredibly common for women to take on the bulk of responsibilities when it comes to meal preparation.
The Pew Research Center reports that in a whopping 80% of American households with kids, women are in charge of most of the meals and the majority of grocery shopping. In homes without children, three quarters of women say that they usually do the cooking, and 68% report being in charge of most of the grocery shopping.
“If one person is expected to cook due to outdated gender roles or without considering their workload, it can cause resentment and strain the relationship”
Image credits: Alex Green / pexels (not the actual photo)
Now, there’s nothing wrong with this arrangement if both partners consent to it. If you truly love cooking, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t do it! But it’s undeniable that the acts of cooking and grocery shopping do take time out of your day, and that time can be incredibly valuable if you’re commuting 3 hours home after a brutal shift.
According to the Pew Research Center, moms spend 68 minutes on meal prep every day, while dads usually only spend about 23 minutes preparing food. But this imbalance when it comes to housework can take a huge toll on relationships.
To learn more about this, we got in touch with UK-based Relationship Coach Jane Parker. She was kind enough to have a conversation with Bored Panda and discuss relationship dynamics like the one described in this story.
“[This dynamic is] common, and in some cases, it works well—if both partners agree it’s fair and balanced in other ways,” the expert noted. “But if one person is expected to cook due to outdated gender roles or without considering their workload, it can cause resentment and strain the relationship.”
So what kinds of issues can arise when one partner refuses to help with the cooking and grocery shopping? “Beyond the practical imbalance, a lack of effort shows a deeper issue—lack of empathy,” Jane shared. “In a healthy relationship, both partners should care about each other’s well-being.”
“In this case, there’s no regard for the OP’s exhaustion, stress, or emotional needs. We all need to feel significant and valued in our relationship,” the relationship coach pointed out. “When one partner consistently ignores the other’s struggles, it leads to emotional disconnection.”
“A strong partnership is built on mutual respect and care, not one person carrying the weight while the other reaps the benefits”
We also asked the expert how partners can work together to find a cooking routine that’s balanced and works for both of them. “Communication is key,” Jane says. “If one dislikes cooking, they can contribute in other ways—grocery shopping, cleaning, or prepping simple meals. The goal is teamwork, not rigid roles. Finding practical solutions together, like meal prepping or using quick meal options, helps prevent resentment.”
But not every couple will be able to find a solution to this issue. “If someone refuses to help even when their partner is struggling, it’s a red flag,” the expert shared. “People can change, but only if they genuinely want to. In this case, there’s no real willingness to support or compromise. That’s not just a cooking issue—it’s a respect issue. If someone won’t step up now, they’re unlikely to do so in the future, especially when bigger responsibilities come along.”
Finally, Jane added that “feeling unsupported and unappreciated isn’t just frustrating—it can erode the foundation of a relationship.”
“A strong partnership is built on mutual respect and care, not one person carrying the weight while the other reaps the benefits,” the expert says. “If a relationship feels this imbalanced now, it’s worth questioning what the future will look like.”
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. What would you do in this young woman’s shoes? Then, we recommend checking out another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes right here.
Readers urged the author not to return to her relationship, warning that her partner’s behavior will probably never improve
