The thorny issue of who to put on the wedding invite list has raised its ugly head again, as a 'affronted' woman took to Reddit forum to vent. She fumed at her brother's insistence that it would be a "no +1" only rule at his wedding.
Far from respecting his decision, she instead flouted his wishes and brought her long-standing boyfriend with her to the nuptials.
The net result of this is a family fall out and she is baffled as to why her brother and his new wife would take such a stand.
Using language that many disabled people found offensive, the woman wrote: "My brother and his now wife sent me an invitation and mentioned a 'no +1' rule. Meaning that I wasn't allowed to bring my wheelchair bound boyfriend of 4 years with me.
"I tried to discuss an exception for this rule because for one, my boyfriend is family and no one would deny that fact. And two, I could not find proper arrangements to have someone watch him (I'm his primary caregiver ) while I was gone."
Despite her sibling's wishes, she brings her boyfriend to the wedding anyway and she is surprised by the reaction from her brother: "My brother and his bride were livid and picked up an argument with me about it.
"My brother said some hurtful stuff but I was glad he didn't say it in front of my boyfriend. I told him it's not like my boyfriend was making a fuss or being distracting (he just remained quiet and respectful of everyone around him) my brother argued that none of that matter and that the trust and respect he had for me was gone the minute I decided to stomp on his wedding boundaries and override the rules.
"My parents understood my side but also said that it was my brother's wedding and I should've respected the rule he had for non-official couples. We've not been talking since the wedding. I tried calling him but keep getting hung up on. His wife texted me yesterday to stop calling."
Many people criticised the woman in the comments on the thread for 'using' her boyfriend's disability as a reason to defy her brother's wishes.
"The disability card is being played here when it is entirely irrelevant. No plus One. You took plus one", someone wrote.
Many had a problem with the ableist language she was using.
"FYI," said one, "wheelchair users aren't 'confined' to wheelchairs. It's an insensitive term because they are a type of assistive technology that provides access and autonomy; being able to utilise mobility aids is a positive thing that decreases 'confinement' and increases community access."
A wheelchair user took umbrage at her attitude towards her boyfriend: "Ugh. Guy in a wheelchair here, although I'm fully self-sufficient. This makes me feel for your bf. Not only did you disrespect your brother's wishes, you made your boyfriend the centre of more attention than was warranted.
"You say he remained quiet and respectful. He probably was quiet because he wanted to crawl under a rock. 'Hey, look at me!! I'm the cause of strife at a wedding through no fault of my own!!'"
Someone else added: "I’m disabled. It’s currently invisible (MS) but that doesn’t mean it always will be. The phrase 'watch him' is so demeaning. I would be broken-hearted if my husband and my family talked about me that way."
