People in your life come and go, but family stays family. At least, it should.
So when Sean, known on Reddit as Ididsomethinbaddd, discovered that his brother had gotten engaged to his high school bully, he couldn’t let it slide.
Sean confronted her, unleashing years of pent-up anger and trauma, but the woman, according to him, wasn’t genuinely interested in making amends.
Because of that, he began seriously considering cutting his brother out of his life. Unsure if he should follow through, the man shared his story on r/AITAH, seeking advice from its members.
This man recently learned that his brother got engaged to a woman who made his school years a living hell
Image credits: carlesmiro (not the actual image)
So he asked the internet if he would be overreacting if he cut ties with them
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Image credits: ididsomethinbaddd
Childhood bullying can cause lifelong psychological damage
Childhood bullying is so common that many of us accept it as part of growing up. As many as 35% of people are estimated to have experienced it at some point.
By adulthood, we are generally expected to “get over” it, but that’s not always the case.
In fact, children who were victims of bullying have been consistently found to be at higher risk for diagnoses of anxiety disorder and depression not just in young adulthood but also in middle adulthood (so, 18–50 years of age).
Moreover, the victims were found to have lower educational qualifications, be worse at financial management, and earn less than their peers even at age 50.
“While people with severe depression, anxiety, or post-traumatic stress disorder may … seek help and uncover that bullying could have played a part in their mental health problems, for many other people the signs are more subtle,” wrote Calli Tzani, lecturer in investigative psychology at the University of Huddersfield.
“Self-esteem is an aspect that is both a risk factor and a consequence of bullying. It is not hard to see that children who are suffering from repetitive bullying at school, at a time when they are still in the process of developing their personalities, could suffer a serious and lasting decline in self-esteem.”
Another distinctive example is anger. “Repeated bullying can also make victims more angry, which in turn maintains the cycle of bullying. The main difference between bullies and victims is that bullies exhibit higher levels of proactive aggression (behavior that anticipates a reward), whereas victims exhibit higher levels of reactive aggression (anger in response to a threat),” Tzani added.
Image credits: gpointstudio (not the actual image)
For an apology to be effective, it has to be genuine
While the woman did apologize, there is a chance she didn’t sound sincere.
According to the late psychiatrist Dr. Aaron Lazare, an apology expert and former chancellor and dean of the University of Massachusetts Medical School, those who want to apologize, have to do it in four steps:
- Acknowledge the offense. Take responsibility for the offense, whether it was physical or psychological harm, and confirm that your behavior was unacceptable. Avoid using vague or evasive language, or wording an apology in a way that minimizes the offense or questions whether the victim was hurt.
- Explain what happened. The challenge here is to describe how the offense occurred without excusing it. Sometimes the best strategy is to say there is no excuse.
- Express remorse. If you regret the mistake or feel ashamed, say so: this is all part of expressing sincere remorse.
- Offer to make amends. For example, if you have damaged someone’s property, have it repaired or replaced. When the offense has hurt someone’s feelings, acknowledge the pain and promise to try to be more sensitive in the future.
If we were to judge this particular situation from Sean’s post, his future sister-in-law could’ve, indeed, come short.
Image credits: namii9 (not the actual image)
Most of those who read the story said its author is entitled to his feelings
Some, however, believe he crossed the line himself
