When a group of people go out for dinner, they are generally happy to split things evenly, purely out of convenience. But when there’s a non-drinker among them, things get a little more complicated. Should they just bite their tongue and cover the costs of fancy cocktails when they’ve been sipping on soda all night, or should they speak up about it?
Wondering the same thing, a woman turned to the AITAH subreddit when she received a $470 Venmo request after a friend’s bachelorette. All she had that night was a mocktail and sparkling water, which roughly should have come to about $70. Her friends were reluctant to accept the lesser repayment, which pushed her to take further action.
As a non-drinker, knowing how to share a group dinner’s costs can be complicated
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However, this woman gathered the courage to speak up after receiving a $470 Venmo request after a bachelorette
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Reddit
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A non-drinker shouldn’t be expected to cover other people’s alcoholic drinks
A short answer to this dilemma is that a non-drinker shouldn’t be expected to cover other people’s alcoholic drinks. They just have to know how to politely tell them “No,” says Kimberly Pope, founder of The Pope Institute for Polish, Poise and Etiquette.
The best way to do this is by bringing it up before the meal starts. Simply ask the waiter for a separate check so that others can split the drinks among themselves. Having cash can also come in handy so you can pay for the meal without needing separate checks.
However, no matter the reason you’re choosing to stray away from alcohol, you don’t have to feel uncomfortable refusing to cover the rest of the drinks. “No one should have a problem with the fact that you’re not going to be able to pay for or contribute to alcohol,” Pope says. “That should be understood as ‘It’s fine.’ That should not be forced onto.”
Friends should also respect your boundaries without pressuring you for an explanation. They need to equally understand that when someone is not drinking, they oughtn’t to finance everyone else’s champagne or cocktails.
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A great alternative is offering to cover the bill and asking everyone to pay back
If a person isn’t familiar enough with the group they’re with or is just generally uncomfortable speaking up, they can suggest covering the bill. Of course, sometime asking everyone to pay them back for what everyone ordered. This way, the non-drinker is left to pay what they truly owe. With apps like Venmo, that’s never been easier.
Another alternative, in case you’re feeling squeamish about the bill, is using a friend at a larger gathering who would say, “Claire didn’t have any alcohol, so she should pay less.” It’s often easier to advocate for others than for yourself so no one should mind and it often works wonders.
However, experts note that group dinners shouldn’t be the time to be meticulous. “I think if you go out to dinner, you just have to throw capitalism out of your head,” said humorist and cultural observer Joel Stein.
“It doesn’t matter if you just felt like a drink or a salad. The idea of some kind of financial fairness in a group-dining situation is nonexistent. Once you’ve accepted an invitation to go out with a large group, you just have to know that you’ve entered a socialist space.”
Some readers found the woman’s behavior adequate
Meanwhile, others believed both sides were at fault
Some saw the author as wrong
