We all want what’s best for our kids and try to make sure they have everything they need to grow up happy and healthy.
But, as many parents will tell you, making that happen often requires more than just good intentions—it also takes money.
This mom knew that all too well, having raised her 5-year-old son mostly on her own, with little support from his father. Recently, though, the dad decided to step up and spend more time with their child. But just as things were improving, his fiancée dropped an unexpected demand: she insisted that the mom pay $200 for the visits.
Needless to say, that didn’t go over well and sparked quite the family drama.
More info: Reddit
Having raised her son mostly on her own, the woman welcomed the idea of his dad spending more time with him
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
What she didn’t expect was his fiancée asking her to pay $200 for each visit
Image credits: Gerardo Manzano / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Jazzlike_Seaweed466
Image credits: Gustavo Fring / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Experts and parents share tips for positive co-parenting
Raising kids after separating from a partner is no easy task. But if both adults are willing to stay involved, it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Experts and co-parents offer plenty of tips on how to make it a more positive experience.
“Co-parents are no longer in a couple but are committed to being a proactive and active parent and part of their children’s lives,” says Dee Holmes, Senior Practice Consultant at Relate. “The child might be with one parent more than the other, but both will be very much active in decision making.”
Of course, this doesn’t mean both parents will always agree. But it’s important to put the child first and stay flexible in your approach. For instance, if conflicts arise over who takes care of the child on a weekend, be open to adjusting plans. “If you dig your heels in and say no, or if you get into an argument about swapping weekends, that can leave your child feeling that no one wants them,” says Holmes.
As obvious as it sounds, make communication a priority. “We prefer talking on the phone rather than over text,” shares Mhairi, who co-parents her two daughters with her ex, Ndaba. “There have been times when we’ve been messaging, and we’ve got into a bit of a dispute. Your tone of voice is very different in text messages. We’ll call and explain what we actually meant, and then everything is fine.”
Both parents also have a responsibility to stay informed about what’s going on in their children’s lives and to keep schedules clear and organized. “The not knowing is what is difficult for children,” says Holmes. “If they are going to be spending their time at both your homes, work with your ex-partner to make sure your child knows where they will be and when.”
If you find it challenging to communicate directly without fighting, it can help to have a neutral third party involved, such as a friend or family member. “Try and be understanding towards each other,” says Ndaba. “You’re not always going to see eye to eye, and at those moments take a step back and give the other person some time.”
On that note, practice kindness—for the sake of both your happiness and your child’s. “I have the girls during the week and Ndaba has them on Sunday, but he helps me out a lot as well if I’m not feeling great or if I need a break,” Mhairi says.
“We’ll always be in each other’s lives because of the girls,” adds Ndaba. “Even though we’re not in a relationship anymore, we can still be friends.”
Commenters agreed the mom was right not to pay and encouraged her to seek child support
