A woman is debating whether she’s justified in wanting to skip Christmas at her in-laws if she’s not allowed to wear a hat.
The 25-year-old woman took to Reddit to ask for other people’s opinions of her situation, disclosing details about her relationship with her husband’s parents. In the famed Am I A**hole subreddit, the original poster (OP) started by explaining the recent transgression that took place on Thanksgiving.
“For context, I (25F) got married in November. My mother-in-law (MIL) doesn’t really like me, even trying to steal the spotlight at my wedding, but is still overly traditional,” she started. “At Thanksgiving, I was having a really bad hair day so I wore a black leather cap (a dressier newsboy-style one), which my husband said looked great on me.”
“The holiday was hostile, even more so than prior gatherings I’d been to, and hubby said MIL said it was because I wore a hat, but I know it was just an excuse,” the woman continued. “I told MIL I wouldn’t come to Christmas with them, then blocked her number and Facebook.”
However, her husband attempted to force peace by convincing her to go to another family affair. He even appealed to his mom’s emotional side by saying she needed to make his wife feel welcome, or they wouldn’t see them much anymore.
“He’s told MIL she needs to be nice and treat me as part of the family since I am and that if I feel unwelcome at Christmas like I did at Thanksgiving, that we won’t attend future events and she [won’t] see him much anymore,” the wife confessed.
And while she’s more than willing to find a compromise, she said she won’t put herself in another uncomfortable situation. “I just don’t want to be involved with her unless I have to be,” the Reddit user added.
To test whether her mother-in-law was taking her son seriously, the original poster requested that her husband ask his mom to allow her to wear the same hat she wore to Thanksgiving. She explained the idea was that she wanted to see if her in-law would ever accept her for who she is.
Is it worth it to build a bridge with MIL when she doesn't like me?
byu/UshouldBlaughin6 inJUSTNOMIL
“If they won’t let me wear a hat, what else are they going to restrict about me? Let me be me or I won’t come. Period,” she proclaimed. “My husband agreed and relayed this to MIL and she’s been asking him why he married the devil.”
“He’s growing tense with me and I told him he’ll probably have to pick a side sooner or later and that I never intended it that way. He spent last night at a friend’s house because he needed to think,” the wife went on to say. “I feel bad because I care about him and know conflict stresses him out. I told him to text me when he was ready to talk. He hasn’t yet.”
According to the woman, she asked her friends for input into the situation, and they said that requesting that her husband ask his mom about the hat was “unnecessary”. But after hearing from her husband, she knows they have each other’s backs.
She noted: “My husband just texted me saying he just got off the phone with his mother. He told her off for calling me “the devil” and said that if I can’t wear a hat, he’s not coming either, and that she really should get over her antiquated BS. She did not respond well.”
Now, the woman thinks she and her husband aren’t going to be doing anything but “friendmas” this year for the holidays. Upset by the entire situation, she asked readers what they thought about her request and subsequent refusal to see her in-laws for Christmas.
In response to the situation, one person suggested the woman was the one in the wrong. “You took a situation that could have been a first step toward a less contentious relationship with your MIL and made demands which intentionally antagonised her,” they wrote.
“You’re literally trying to bait MIL. It’s like you want a reaction from her. It’s generally considered rude to be wearing a hat indoors/while dining,” another Redditor added.
However, others said they were in support of the OP, with many claiming she should be able to wear the hat. “The hat is not the issue here*, it’s MIL refusing to be welcoming to OP because that’s just how these ‘I want to marry my son’ MILs are,” one supporter proclaimed.
“I think she wants to be treated like a human being that can choose what to wear without someone being offended over clothing,” another agreed.
Someone else wrote: “I think the point is that if the MIL is willing to die on the hat hill, the OP does not in fact want peace from MIL, she wants nothing. This is fair.”
The Independent has contacted the original poster u/10007kl for a comment.
