Mother and Reddit user Maleficent-Feeling22 has had very painful and long periods ever since they started. So once she and her partner had the number of children they had dreamed of, the woman decided to get a hysterectomy.
However, not all family members liked the idea. Her sister and brother-in-law, who have been struggling to get pregnant, asked her to become a surrogate instead. In fact, they were so adamant that they began emotionally blackmailing her.
This woman’s periods have always been brutal, so she told her family she planned to remove her uterus
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
But her sister and brother-in-law were very against the idea
Image credits: Анна Хазова / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Maleficent-Feeling22
Image credits: Sora Shimazaki / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Roughly one in ten women experience extreme period pain
Period pain can start in the early teens and persist until menopause. Most women experience some degree of discomfort during menstruation, especially on the first day. For 40%, this discomfort is accompanied by premenstrual symptoms such as bloating, tender breasts, a swollen stomach, lack of concentration, mood swings, clumsiness, and tiredness.
However, for 5% to 15% of women, period pain is severe enough to disrupt their lives. Experts aren’t entirely sure why some women have more painful periods than others, but they believe it may be due to higher levels of prostaglandins—compounds in the body made from fats that have hormone-like effects.
You may be more likely to have painful periods if:
- You got your first menstrual period before age 12;
- You’re younger than 20;
- Your periods are heavy or last longer than seven days;
- You smoke cigarettes;
- Your biological parent also has dysmenorrhea.
If you do, you might feel:
- Aching, throbbing pain in your abdomen (which, at times, can be severe);
- The feeling of pressure in your abdomen;
- Pain in your hips, lower back, and inner thighs;
- Other symptoms like nausea, dizziness, and headaches.
In most cases, the pain begins 24 to 48 hours before your period and subsides within 48 hours of its onset. So, the Redditor’s decision to have a hysterectomy is understandable. Her sister’s insistence for her to become a surrogate, however, is not.
Image credits: Engin Akyurt / Pexels (not the actual photo)
An attempt to take away someone’s agency in such a decision is deeply disrespectful
Dr. Rebecca Steinfeld, a campaigner and researcher focusing on reproductive rights, civil partnerships, and genital cutting, acknowledges that surrogacy is a polarizing issue.
“For some, it embodies true altruism—a woman realizing the dreams of others by birthing their baby, with all the medical risks, and physical and emotional toll, that can come with pregnancy, birth, and, ultimately, handing over a baby,” she said.
“But that is not the whole … story. For others, surrogacy is inherently exploitative and unethical. They say it makes children commodities, and disadvantaged women ‘breeders.’ Some even compare surrogacy to p**********n and argue ‘womb rental’ be the term used.”
According to the doctor, there are several serious issues at stake in this debate even if we put aside local legal nuance.
“These include potential power imbalances between surrogate mothers and intended parents, the risks of pregnancy and birth taken on by the surrogate mother, and human rights concerns that may crop up during a surrogate mother’s antenatal, intrapartum and/or postnatal care,” Steinfeld explained. “It is crucial to acknowledge and reflect on these difficult areas in any discussion of surrogacy.”
Even though a sister carrying a baby for her sibling might be considered an exception, Steinfeld believes there may be other power imbalances in these arrangements, and various inequalities may still exist between the parties.
All pregnancies, the doctor said, carry physical and mental health risks to pregnant women, ranging from trivial to very severe, and risks for the surrogate may be even higher. “The surrogate may have many appointments, drug treatments, invasive procedures, and timed embryo transfer. More importantly, she is at a significantly increased risk of developing pre-eclampsia. If it is a twin pregnancy, she is at increased risk of every complication barring postmaturity,” Steinfeld added.
How can you pressure someone to undergo all of this against their will?
The majority of those who read the woman’s story said she had every right to refuse
But a few expressed a different opinion
