The love of money might be the root of all evil, and it can cause even the closest relationships to implode. Relationships are tricky to manage, but things can go south quickly when huge finances are brought into the picture. Of all the issues that can strain a good bond, money is probably the biggest one.
That’s exactly what one woman realized when she was suddenly bestowed with a vast amount of money. The unexpected financial blessing didn’t seem so joyous anymore when her partner immediately made plans to spend it with his friends, no less. She went to Reddit to share her worries and find out if she had handled the situation wrong.
Bored Panda also reached out to Ryan Jakovljevic, a couples therapist and the clinical director of Empire Psychotherapy, to get his insight.
More info: Reddit
Combining money and marriage can often be a recipe for disaster, and this Reddit poster found that out too late
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
The woman’s nanna had passed away just weeks after her engagement, which is when she learned about the huge inheritance she would get
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
When her fiancé found out about the money, he was overjoyed and, without asking for her permission, made plans for a “boys holiday” and to pay off his credit card
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna (not the actual photo)
Both partners ended up in a huge fight, and the fiancé called her “incredibly selfish” and scolded her for embarrassing him in front of his friends
Image credits: u/cereal-k**lher
The woman ended up leaving the house without saying a word and stayed at a friend’s house
The Original Poster (OP) is a 32 Y.O. woman who posted on Reddit’s AITAH community. She was all set to get married to her fiancé, a 35 Y.O. man. They had gotten engaged just a year ago and had been together for five years. Their wedding was all set for May 2025, but things recently took a turn for the worse.
The author mentioned that her nanna passed away a few weeks after their engagement. She shared that her grandmother and grandfather worked hard throughout their lives and were successful and educated people with high-paying jobs. Since they avoided overspending, they lived out their later years with lots of money.
OP stated that her nanna left considerable sums of money for her, her brother, and their three cousins in her will. After her grandmother passed and the money was divided, there was still “thousands to each of our names.”
When her fiancé heard the news, he was overjoyed, and the woman only realized why when she overheard him talking to his friends while playing a video game. He bragged to them that he could pay off his credit card and book a boys’ holiday. OP immediately confronted him and said that it wasn’t his money and that he could not use it without her permission.
Here’s how Ryan says the situation should have been handled: “It’s important to be sensitive and moderate the feelings of excitement and keep in mind that someone has died. The fiancé could show some empathy by not approaching this conversation before there’s been time to grieve, and when approaching it, doing so gently. Something like “Hey, there’s something kind of awkward I wanted to talk to you about. I feel weird given that it’s your inheritance, but I can’t help but feel excited about how this could help us pay down some debt, like my student loans. What are your thoughts?”
OP’s confrontation didn’t go down well with her fiancé, and he told her she would be his “financial burden” after marriage. He also said it was selfish of her to make a fool of him in front of his friends by “giving them false hope of a holiday.” The author shared that she had a good job and didn’t want children, so she had no idea how she would ever burden him financially.
After the fight, OP left the house and stayed at a friend’s place. In a comment that’s now deleted, she said, “I’m going to be so honest, my friend and I are scrolling through the comments, and although it really fills up a hole in my stomach, I’m seeing everyone say the same thing.
“It really does have me thinking, I’m not sure what to do but I’ll work it out, don’t stress too much about no update, I can more than likely guarantee one, however what it will include I don’t know.”
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Ryan shared how couples should handle finance-related arguments. He stated “arguments about finances are rarely about finances – couples aren’t in my office debating the merits of savings bonds vs stocks, or whether it would be better to budget 10% of their monthly income for debt repayment or eating out. Like most hot-button issues, the real issue is the way their partner is making them feel… controlled, unheard, dismissed, unsafe.”
“It’s good to check in and express yourself before becoming emotionally reactive and letting your feelings take control. It’s totally understandable to be upset given her partner was talking about how to spend her inheritance instead of talking with her. It’s also understandable that her partner may not understand the intensity of the reaction he’s seeing because he hasn’t yet heard about how she feels and why. A starting point is expressing her feelings, and outlining why she feels that way, without blaming or attacking him,” Ryan also mentioned.
According to a study by the American Psychological Association, money is a very significant source of stress for 35% of couples. Couples might fight over who is making how much money and how to spend the money efficiently. The problem is partners often don’t communicate with each other, which can lead to significant conflicts.
People’s attitudes and values about money come from many unconscious beliefs. A study published in the Psychological Reports journal found that we inherit our beliefs about money from our parents and other family members. That’s why it can be tough to overcome certain principles we hold dear about saving and spending. We might even struggle to communicate these thoughts to our partners. But the great news is that it’s never too late to start.
The “best way to handle such marriage stressors is with honest communication of expectations, hopes, goals, and anxieties. Couples should also practice empathy, have the maturity to check their egos, and abandon any predilection for control,” states Investopedia. That’s why, if one partner comes into a lot of money, both people need to discuss how it will be used.
When one person presumes and begins spending the other person’s money, the marriage stops being a partnership. Coming back to the poster’s story, which got over 11.2k upvotes and 4.7k comments, what do you think of the way OP handled the situation? Do you think the husband was right to want to spend her money? Let us know in the comments.
Redditors sided with the woman and were quick to point out how the fiancé thought of her as a “financial burden”
