Funerals can be difficult for families to navigate at the best of times but they can be especially tough if you have a strained relationship with certain relatives.
And one woman on Reddit has split the opinion of people online after she shared the story of her dad's funeral - as it also happened to be the first time she'd ever met his girlfriend of five years.
Posting her story anonymously, the woman explained she found out about her dad's relationship two years after he started dating, after she saw text messages on his phone, the Irish Mirror reports.
But her dad never spoke about his girlfriend, named Pam, and never introduced her to his daughter - leaving them to meet for the first time when she arrived uninvited to his funeral, which had been organised by his daughter.
Get the news you want straight to your inbox. Sign up for a Mirror newsletter here.
The woman wrote on Reddit : "I was 'officially' told about Pam when I collected my dad's office things after he died, and a large photo of her was there. His colleagues were stunned I didn’t know. I threw that photo away right there.
"I made all the funeral arrangements. Pam tried contacting Dad’s phone/messenger- I assume she saw all the posts on his Facebook and the funeral date online. I never responded to her.
"Yet before his wake started, Pam and her family showed up - and planned to be a part of the services! I came in at 5pm for the 6pm wake, and she and her three sons, daughters-in-law, and grandkids were there talking with some of his friends. She’s known them all for 3-4 years!"
The daughter was asked by the funeral directors and some guests why she hadn't invited Pam, and she admitted it was because she didn't know her - but Pam claimed the woman had "refused" to meet her.
She added: "I was floored. The funeral people asked me why I didn’t include her since she’s his significant other. I told them right in front of everyone that I’ve lived with my dad over the last five years and I never met or knew her.
"At this point, Pam got out of the provided chair and tried to play it cool by saying 'Oh come now!' while pulling me aside to 'chat'. During this chat, she told me 'You’re going to embarrass yourself and father if you don’t just keep it together. I can't believe you refused to meet me until now but that was your choice. Now let’s get through this and figure it out later.'"
The woman said she "lost it" at Pam's words, and kicked her dad's girlfriend and her family out of the service.
She said: "Pam wanted to stay because in her mind she was all but legally his wife. I said no, because I’m the family, and she should have thought this through.
"Right before the 6 pm service, she and her whole family left, and it was just me facing, among other things, constant questionings of 'Where’s Pam? Why couldn’t Pam come? We saw Pam outside leaving, why did you do that?'"
Commenters on the Reddit post were split over whether the woman did the right thing, with some saying the real bad guy in the situation was her dad.
One person wrote: "Yikes. Based on what you’ve said here, the real a**hole is your dad. He told Pam you didn’t want to meet her, he didn’t tell you that she exists, and then he dies and leaves you to sort it out?"
While another said: "Dad is the a**hole but so is Pam. Even with him telling her you didn’t want to meet. If I were in that position, the first thing anyone would do is talk to the daughter and offer sympathy.
What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.
"At the very least not walk in there and act like it’s your show and you’re the centre of attention. She had no right to bring her whole family and start moving stuff around."
But others sided with Pam, as they pointed out that she had just as much right to grieve the loss of her boyfriend as anybody else at the funeral.
Someone posted: "It seems like your dad told Pam that you didn't want to meet her. I have been taught not to speak ill of the dead so I will go with [not an a**hole], but you are getting a pass only because you were clearly grieving.
"You were unconscionably rude to someone who was clearly very important to your father at a time when she was also grieving."
As another agreed, writing: "[Not an a**hole] but you're angry at your dad and Pam is a representation of everything he ever did wrong by you."
Do you have a story to share? Email yourmirror@trinitymirror.com
