Getting a special and thoughtful gift for your birthday is always a lovely treat. It’s heartwarming to know how much people care for you and that they put in the effort to get you something nice. That being said, not everybody is good at giving presents, and that can lead to really awkward situations.
This is what a woman faced on her birthday when she realized that her in-laws had gifted her their babysitting services disguised as a fun night away. She didn’t know whether to be grateful or annoyed at their idea.
More info: Mumsnet
Grandparents who love helping out and spending time with their grandchildren are often a godsend to the parents
The poster explained that even though her in-laws are very nice, they seem a bit too obsessed with her 13-month-old baby and keep finding reasons to come over and see him
When it came time for the woman’s birthday, her in-laws gifted her a handwritten voucher for a night away at a hotel along with them so that they could provide “on-site babysitting”
The poster was annoyed by the voucher and felt that it was disingenuous of them to give her a gift that would fulfill their desire to spend more time with their grandson
Despite the woman’s misgiving over the gift, she wondered if she was being unreasonable to feel so hostile despite getting to have a free holiday with babysitters on hand
One of the reasons why the OP didn’t seem to like her “voucher” was because of how much her in-laws always want to spend time with her baby. She even mentioned that the grandparents meet her son at least once a week, but she feels that having them over once a month would be enough.
It’s a fine line between being caring and being overbearing, but when it comes to one’s family or in-laws, it’s tough to know where exactly to draw that line. That’s why Bored Panda reached out to Jennifer Flanders, who is a Christian wife, mother of 12 children, and grandmom of soon-to-be 24 grandchildren, for her input.
Jennifer said: “I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws, although such was definitely not always the case. The turning point for me was when I stopped getting so easily offended and started treating my mother and father-in-law the way I hoped my daughters-in-law would someday treat me.”
It’s clear that the OP doesn’t think that way and finds her in-laws a bit overbearing, especially with how much they make everything about their grandkid. The kicker was receiving the gift of a night off at a hotel along with their on-site free babysitting services. The woman felt that they only gave her that “present” so that they could be around their grandson for longer.
Jennifer explained, “I understand that some people are dealing with difficult cases, I thought I was, too, early in my marriage. My advice to somebody whose in-laws are willing to bankroll a vacation just to spend time with their grandbaby? Accept the offer. Go and have fun. Be happy and gracious and grateful.”
Jennifer told us: “we’ve spent the majority of our 37 years of married life inviting both sets of in-laws, his and mine, to travel with us (our treat), and we wouldn’t trade for the world the wealth of wonderful memories we’ve created by doing so!”
To understand more about complicated in-law dynamics, we also reached out to Dan O’Connor. He is a YouTube creator, keynote speaker, and renowned communication coach with over 20 years of experience helping individuals transform challenges into opportunities for growth.
Dan’s work focuses on empowerment, healing, and growth—whether it’s through helping people master difficult conversations, build stronger relationships, or overcome personal barriers. We asked him why people often suspect their in-laws of having ulterior motives.
Dan mentioned that it’s not so much that we suspect them of ulterior motives; it’s that they actually have them. “Don’t we all? The real question is how to handle it, and that begins with addressing what’s really motivating your in-laws–fear. It’s the same fear we all share when it comes right down to it; we’re all afraid of losing love, and we’re prepared to do whatever it takes to keep what we’ve got.”
“So if you find yourself struggling with your in-laws, take a deep breath and remember things are probably not at all as they appear. The fact that you’re here, looking for answers, is proof you have everything you need to transform this situation—and maybe even your life in the process,” Dan O’Connor mentioned.
Along with feeling that her in-laws had only gifted her the voucher so that they could spend time with their grandkid, the woman also didn’t like that the idea had been passed off as her birthday present. She found it a bit rude and felt that it could have been given as a Christmas gift instead to her and her husband.
We asked Dan how people could start trusting their in-laws more and giving them the benefit of the doubt. He shared that it’s important to “trust their intentions. Even when they make mistakes, trust that their intentions are rooted in love, even if it’s not expressed perfectly. Show them you see their good intentions by forgiving their missteps.”
“Let them know, through your words and actions, that you won’t withhold the love they seek from your family. For example, ‘You’ll always have a place in our lives, and I appreciate everything you do to be part of it.’ Show them that no matter what, you will always approach conversations with respect, clarity, and fairness,” Dan explained.
Folks were surprised by the seeming animosity the woman has toward her in-laws despite calling them “perfectly lovely people.” She did later clarify in the comments that they had crossed her boundaries before by treating her like her husband’s receptionist whenever he didn’t reply to messages. She acknowledged that that probably colored her view of them.
Jennifer Flanders explained, “if for some reason you don’t feel comfortable letting your husband’s parents babysit alone for you while you enjoy a date night on the town, politely decline that part of the invitation.”
She mentioned that you can say, “‘That is so thoughtful of you, and I so appreciate the offer, but I think we are all so wiped out after that fun day at the safari park, we probably just need to turn in early.’ Your children won’t have their grandparents around forever. Do what you can to facilitate a good relationship while you can. It will benefit both generations.”
Dan O’Connor also said: “A word of warning, the way you treat your in-laws now lays the foundation for how your own children will treat you in the future. Choose wisely. The decisions you make could either lay the groundwork for a lifetime of love and support or pave the way to a lonely, bitter end filled with regret. The choice is yours.”
“In the end, this isn’t about your in-laws. It never is. It’s about you. They’re here to offer you a choice. Will you let them lift you up, or will you let them drag you into conflict? The answer lies in the person you choose to be with them,” Dan shared.
It’s definitely quite thoughtful of the grandparents to offer to babysit and cover the costs of their son and daughter-in-law’s hotel stay. On the other hand, the OP must have felt bad that rather than giving her a special gift meant for her, the in-laws had used it as a sneaky way to spend time with their grandson.
Whose side are you on in this situation? Do you think the poster’s reaction to the gift was justified? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Netizens were divided by the post, with some feeling that the author was ungrateful and others criticizing the gift from the grandparents
