Co-parenting is an arrangement where people work together to share the responsibilities of raising their children, even though they are no longer in a romantic relationship. It can be challenging not only for the two parents but also for their new partners.
Reddit user Wide_Session_4499 shared her experience with these complexities, feeling left out and undervalued as her husband continued to maintain close ties with his ex for the sake of “family time” with their kids.
This woman’s husband started spending more and more time with his ex
And eventually, it reached a point where she felt like words were no longer enough to convey her frustrations
We don’t need to look far for examples of potential drama surrounding exes, whether in our own lives or in Hollywood. For instance, after Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez broke up in April 2021—just a few months into their engagement—Lopez rekindled her romance with Ben Affleck, and shortly afterward, A-Rod was spotted partying with Affleck’s ex-girlfriend, Lindsay Shookus.
Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph. D., a professor of psychology at Albright College who studies self-expression and self-presentation on the internet, cognition in close relationships, and narcissism, says it’s fairly common for people to maintain contact with former romantic partners.
In fact, according to research by Lindsay Rodriguez and her colleagues, about 40 percent of the 260 undergraduates they surveyed kept in touch with an ex. For the vast majority (over 90 percent), this communication began within a couple of months of the breakup and continued to occur at least once every couple of months. Most people didn’t communicate with their exes too often, but a small subgroup—13 percent—had contact with exes several times a week.
“Knowing that your current partner is still in touch with an ex certainly can create jealousy,” Dr. Seidman said. “In the age of Facebook, we often know if a partner is still in touch with exes. If your partner is communicating with an ex, it doesn’t necessarily reflect poorly on your relationship. If that ex is just part of their larger social network, it’s more likely that they are actually satisfied in their relationship with you. And if they’re still friends with an ex or have invested a lot of time in that relationship in the past, it doesn’t necessarily relate to how they feel about you. The only motive for interacting with an ex that was associated with problems in the current relationship was thinking of the ex as a backup partner.”
Divorce and co-parenting specialist Michelle Dempsey-Multack, M.S.Ed., CDS, CoPS, believes that people don’t have to be friends with their ex (or even like each other) to raise their children together. Instead, they should treat it like a business.
“In addition, your co-parenting relationship should leave no room for one parent to badger the other with questions about their personal life or their plans with the kids on their time. Good co-parenting boundaries include keeping communication on a need-to-know basis and nothing more,” she said.
So it’s understandable that when the Redditor’s husband started growing closer to his ex, she became wary.
Image credits: Austin Guevara (not the actual photo)
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