For parents, finding childcare is one of the most difficult tasks of having kids. Some parents can’t even work full time because of it. In a 2023 poll, a quarter of American parents said either they or a family member had to miss work because of childcare issues.
Family members can sometimes help, but it should never be done against their own wishes. That’s why after this woman repeatedly told her sister she wouldn’t babysit and left when the kids were still brought to her house, many people cheered. “Call CPS next time,” one netizen commented, highlighting how some parents falsely assume family members will look after their kids.
A woman told her sister she would not babysit her kids, yet she still brought them to her house just as she was leaving
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Standing her ground, she went out with her friends just as planned, leaving a 5-year-old and a 3-year-old home alone
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Kaboompics.com / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
Family members might need to hear a firm “No” if they are to respect boundaries
The most common advice for parents who can’t find childcare is to ask family members for a favor. Grandparents are a big source of help for many busy parents, as 52% of American grandparents say they look after their grandkids at least a few hours per week.
Parents trust family members with childcare because they trust them. Family is an important concept in our culture, and it dictates that supporting family members should be a given. However, not all families are equal, and each family comes with their own, sometimes toxic, dynamics.
Some family members might expect that favors and acts of kindness are a given between families. When a sibling asks to babysit their kids, we might agree without thinking because we feel obligated. But mental health experts say that it’s okay to say ‘No’ sometimes.
Mabel Yiu, MFT, explained to ThriveWorks that doing favors for family members shouldn’t come with resentment. “If you have a friend or family member who is always expecting you to run errands or always wants to borrow money from you, let them know that ends now.”
“Tell them nicely yet firmly that you are not comfortable helping in this way anymore. They may get mad for a little while, but eventually, they will learn to respect your time and energy,” Yiu recommended.
There’s nothing wrong with asking family members for help, but taking them for granted can be hurtful and build resentment easily. Respecting boundaries is just as important a personality trait as lending loved ones a hand.
Guilt often prevents us from saying ‘No,’ but here’s how we can get rid of it
Have you ever had that one friend or family member that asks for favors too often? That one person to whom it’s always hard to say “No” to? The truth is that we’re socially conditioned to want to belong and feel like we’re good people.
An associate professor of organizational behavior at Cornell, Vanessa Bohns says that these two things prevent us from saying “No” when we’re asked for help. “And saying no to someone, rejecting someone who needs our help, goes against both of those things,” she explained to The New York Times.
Guilt often drives people to agree to favors they’re not particularly excited about. Licensed psychologist Helene Brenner, PhD, explained to Well And Good that to ease the guilt after saying “No,” we can ask ourselves: “Will disaster strike if I say ‘No’?”
“More likely, the person who asked you may be temporarily at a loss as to what to do, but will then find some other way to meet whatever need you were fulfilling.”
There’s also nuance to rejecting someone’s request for a favor. When it’s family members, feelings can get hurt really fast, so it’s best to be straightforward but kind. “Try to say no in the most caring way possible: ‘I’m so sorry. I would love to help you with that. But I am so ridiculously busy right now, I just can’t,'” Brenner says, suggesting a possible script.
Many people blamed the mother for not listening to her sister: “She abandoned her children”
Others, however, pointed out that leaving the kids alone was very irresponsible
