When you're in a relationship, the key element is trust. If there's no trust, then you'll struggle to make it work. A make-or-break for most people is that their partner isn't a cheat. Cheating is a real turn-off, and if someone realises that their partner has cheated on someone in the past, but hasn't been transparent about it, it could be really upsetting.
One woman took to Reddit's 'Am I the a**hole' forum to explain that her boyfriend had told her he 'wasn't that kind of person', and that he would 'never do it to her'. But when she was at a party with his pals, the truth came tumbling out when someone mentioned a woman's name she'd never heard before.
She wrote: "Me (24F) and my ex (28M) have been together for 10 months now. Our relationship had been good so far, some light arguments here and there but nothing worth breaking up over.
"A little context is that I despise cheaters. I have not been cheated on but I have seen the aftermath of what happened to those close to me. It affected a huge aspect of their lives and it took them a long time to get over it.
"When we were still in the talking stage, I have already shown my strong dislike for cheating/cheaters. He told me he wasn't that kind of person and that he'll never do it to me. Fast forward from that time, he pursued me and eventually we got together. Sometimes, I would show him news about local celebrities and cheating scandals and I would trash-talk the cheaters. He would mostly just keep quiet and agree with what I said.
"During our relationship, we shared our dating history with each other. It was nothing too serious just the basics of what happened, how long it was, their name, and why they broke up. I was pretty happy in the relationship at this time.
"It all went downhill two weeks ago when we were invited to his friend's party. They were catching up so I decided to get drinks for my then-boyfriend and I. When I was deciding what to get, I heard one of them say "Oh damn, Maya got married." There was another couple with me in the kitchen so I asked "Who's Maya?""
The plot thickened as she was left wondering who this unknown woman was, and she was thinking the worst.
She continued: "I knew the name of his friends and their girlfriends so I was pretty surprised since they never mentioned a Maya before. They looked uncomfortable when I asked and told me to ask my boyfriend for it later. The living room, where my ex was got quiet so I didn't know what they talked about then. I didn't have any clues as to who Maya was whatsoever. I got back with the drinks and was bothered by it the whole night.
"When he drove me home, I decided to ask him who Maya was and told him I overheard them say her name. He got nervous and told me not to hate him after what he'll tell me. He also told me he didn't mean to keep this from me but he was scared of how I'll react to it.
"At this time, I got a bad feeling in my gut. He then proceeded to share how Maya was his ex girlfriend who he cheated on. They were together for 3 years but 2 years into the relationship, he wanted to find some spice in his life so he cheated on her with Lily for almost a year.
"They had a bad breakup when Maya knew and he dated Lily shortly after. He told me it was the stupidest decision he's ever made and that he was young and dumb at that time. He assured me that he would never cheat on me and that he changed.
"Obviously, I was dumbfounded. I told him I needed some time to think and for a whole week we had no contact. When I was ready to talk, I texted him to meet in a café we frequented in and I told him I was breaking up with him. He was very upset and begged me to rethink my decision. I was firm and so we split ways.
"Our mutual friends eventually knew of the breakup and days after, some of them called me a**hole because I was punishing him for a mistake he made years ago. They told me he planned to propose to me during our one year anniversary. I do feel bad for him but I still think I did right by breaking up because my perception of him changed when he told me. Even if I did stay, I don't think I could ever trust him fully."
People in the comments were divided about whether she should've done what she did.
One wrote: "I think the big thing is that he lied about it. So like normally I'm not for breaking up with someone over their history but he lied about it."
The original poster responded: "Yeah this is what really got me especially when he knew why i was so against cheaters (it broke up my family cause my dad cheated on my mum and my mum has never been the same since). I even told him about my family situation before we were officially together."
Someone tried to make her see his side of the story though, writing: "Like I hate cheaters, but I've dated someone I knew cheated in the past. When I voiced that I disliked cheaters like third date in he disclosed it had happened once, he was deeply remorseful for it and considered it the biggest mistake in his life, explained the circumstances of how it happened and was extremely open to answering any questions I asked.
"We had a good relationship after that until he decided he wanted to join the military and our life paths separated. Had he lied and I found out later, it shows he was capable of lying to me about something important and that is a sign to me that the person hasn't really changed much at all."
Someone defended the cheating partner though, commenting: "Some people say 'once a cheater always a cheater' but it's not necessarily true.
"Did he learn from his mistake, do the hard work to understand why he did what he did AND FIX IT, does he take full responsibility for his actions and the consequences, has he grown and matured?
Meanwhile, another said: "Instead of coming clean and talking about his past, talking about how he changed and letting you decide, he deliberately withheld damning evidence to manipulate you. He knew it was a deal breaker for you and let you get emotionally invested. What he wants is more important than your wants, your needs, your morals, your emotional/physical/financial safety.
"You did right to break it off. He isn't the sort you want to build a life with."
What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.
