Marriage is built on the promise to stand by each other through life’s toughest moments. So when this Redditor became seriously ill, he trusted his wife would be there for him. Instead, she brushed off his condition, calling him dramatic—even as it worsened and he eventually needed surgery. Now, he’s left wondering if their relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to walk away.
After falling seriously ill, the man thought he could count on his wife’s support
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Instead, she called him dramatic and brushed off his symptoms, so now he’s thinking about divorce
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Illnesses can increase the likelihood of divorce by up to 75%
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While couples often vow to stay together in sickness and health, the reality can be far more complicated. Of course, something like a common cold is unlikely to ruin a relationship. However, a U.S. study published in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior found that nearly 75% of marriages involving chronic illness result in divorce.
Experts suggest that how a medical crisis affects a marriage often depends on the existing dynamics between the spouses. “Certainly, it brings some couples together. They recognize how they really feel about each other, the petty stuff drifts away. There’s a certain kind of intimacy in having to face something real serious,” said Susan McDaniel, a family psychologist and psychiatry professor at the University of Rochester, in an interview with TODAY.
“For couples where there’s already significant difficulties that haven’t been resolved, and if the illness hits at some of that, then it’s really hard,” she explained. Many who divorce under these circumstances often do so because the illness worsens existing tensions rather than creating new ones.
Researchers from the University of Michigan revealed another concerning pattern: while men tend to experience serious illnesses more frequently than women, divorce rates were higher when the wife became ill. This trend was also supported by a study from the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, which found that women are six times more likely to be separated or divorced following a diagnosis of cancer or multiple sclerosis compared to men facing similar health challenges.
“Men may be very well equipped to be primary providers but not so well equipped to be primary caregivers,” said Dr. Marc Chamberlain, co-author of the Seattle study. “I think men are challenged in caring for someone who has disease and treatment-related symptoms—managing the stress, managing the logistics.”
Expert advice for couples facing serious health struggles
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McDaniel advises couples dealing with a serious illness to focus on the strengths in their relationship, identifying what they work well at together and how those qualities can help them get through difficult situations.
Needless to say, it requires honesty and open communication. Attending doctor’s appointments as a team can be helpful, as the caregiving spouse can offer support and help process medical information—something the ill partner may struggle with due to stress or anxiety.
She also encourages couples to lean on friends, adult children, and neighbors for support. Allowing others to step in with tasks like bringing meals, picking up groceries, or running errands, can ease the strain and prevent both partners from feeling isolated.
Regarding the choice to leave a sick spouse, McDaniel describes it as deeply complicated and unique to each couple. “I certainly would work hard to try to help it not happen,” she said. “Whatever the background is, that’s a heavy load to carry as the person who does the divorcing. You’ve got to live with that.”
Most readers agreed it was valid for him to want to end the relationship
Some, however, felt he was overreacting
