Going off to college is a huge step! It’s the start of a new era. But it’s also bittersweet. It’s understandable if your family misses you. Unfortunately, some parents have such a hard time letting go of their kids that they start invading their privacy. Out of their desire to protect them from making any mistakes, they begin monitoring their every move.
Redditor u/No_Tangerine2915 asked the r/AmIOverreacting online community for some advice about a very tense situation with her and her sister’s ‘helicopter’ parents. As it turns out, they have a hard time respecting their daughters’ privacy. They even went so far as to put a camera in their dorm room.
Bored Panda reached out to the author of the viral story, u/No_Tangerine2915, who kindly answered our questions about her being monitored at university. Read on for our full interview with her.
Some parents want to protect their children so badly that they have trouble with boundaries and privacy
Image credits: Jakub Żerdzicki / pexels (not the actual photo)
A woman who’s studying abroad with her sister asked the internet for advice after her parents demanded a camera be put in their dorm
The author later shared some additional details about her circumstances
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image source: No_Tangerine2915
“I think that they won’t be able to fully trust me until I’m completely independent from them”
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto / pexels (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda asked the author for her thoughts on why her parents monitor her and her sister so closely at university. “I think it started with my older brother,” u/No_Tangerine2915 opened up to us.
“He made some teenage mistakes, and since then, my dad has been extremely scared for any of the younger siblings to make the same mistakes. That’s why he’s been a lot more overbearing with us,” she said.
We were curious about what would need to happen for the student’s parents to fully trust her in the future. “I think that they won’t be able to fully trust me until I’m completely independent from them,” she mused.
“Then they won’t really have a say in what I’m doing, and I won’t have to give them my location or anything because I’d have my own resources. Also, I’ve been a good kid, so, in my opinion, their mistrust does not have any good reason to be there in the first place,” the author said.
Bored Panda wondered whether the dorm has any policy related to people setting up cameras. According to her, her dorm is in a university residence. “It’s separate from the school, but I think that as long as the camera is not in a public space, it doesn’t matter to them.”
Meanwhile, u/No_Tangerine2915 noted that not everyone online understands just how complex the situation she’s in really is.
“I think that when people haven’t lived situations like that, it’s a bit hard for them to understand that it’s not as simple as just saying ‘no’ or unplugging the camera,” the student told us.
“There are consequences that I cannot face by myself, especially material ones, and I feel a bit powerless regarding the situation.”
Helicopter parents might want what’s best for their kids, but they end up hamstringing their independence and confidence
Image credits: Karolina Kaboompics / pexels (not the actual photo)
According to ‘Parents,’ helicopter parenting involves shadowing your children and directing their behavior. Part of it also includes the guardians giving their kids little-to-no time alone.
Helicopter parents might also control their kids’ time in school, such as picking their friends and activities, helping them with their homework, and choosing their teachers or coaches.
The University of South Florida warns parents not to be overly involved in their kids’ lives once they become college students.
“Remember that your child is now an adult—they deserve the opportunity to make their own decisions, even if they make mistakes.” There’s a balance to be found between staying involved and giving your children enough space to grow as individuals.
That being said, you also don’t want to pull back completely. The odds are that your kids will be excited but scared of starting this new stage of their lives.
You should let them know that you’ll always have their backs. You’re always there for support and advice, should they need it. You can regularly check in with them, so long as you don’t go overboard.
In the meantime, your kids should be allowed to experience and explore life as college students. A big part of that is making mistakes. And learning from them! They’ll end up growing into more resilient adults with good self-esteem and flexibility.
On the one hand, it’s perfectly natural that parents want to protect their children from the hardships and stresses of life. So, they involve themselves in everything they do, seeking to provide a better life than they had. That’s how they show their love and support. Paradoxically, if taken too far, this can be a mistake.
On the other hand, molly-coddling your kids can backfire. Immensely! Essentially, what you want to aim for is to raise your beloved little munchkins to be confident, independent, kind, and capable adults. However, that won’t happen if you never let them make their own decisions and mistakes.
There has to be room for mutual trust and respect, especially when your children are already grown up and have left home
Image credits: LightFieldStudios / envato (not the actual photo)
The connection between a parent and child is similar to any other relationship: it has to be grounded in trust, mutual respect, and good communication. If any of these things are missing, the relationship becomes very one-sided and grounded in control rather than collaboration.
The author of the viral story explained that both she and her sister are already adults. Furthermore, they’re currently studying abroad. In the desire to monitor the two women, their parents put up a camera in their dorm room to have access to their live locations and know where they go and when they go out.
This level of control is unhealthy. It’s also going to push your kids away from you. If you offer them distrust, suspicion, and patronization, you shouldn’t be surprised if they rebel.
You might soon find them reducing the amount of time they spend with you and the information they tell you. They might even go as far as to cut you out of their lives if they feel you’re being too invasive.
Everybody has a right to privacy. Just because you want some time alone doesn’t mean that you have something to hide. And even if you do, it’s your prerogative as an adult to keep whatever secrets that you want.
Whether you choose to reveal something about your private life falls to you. If you trust someone, naturally, you’ll want to be open and vulnerable with them. If you don’t, well, not everyone has to be privy to the details of your innermost experiences.
What would you do if you were in the student’s shoes, dear Pandas? How would you start enforcing some healthy boundaries with your parents if they’re overly intrusive? Let us know what you think in the comments, at the bottom of this post.
Many readers were concerned and thought that the author wasn’t wrong to be worried. Here’s what they had to say
However, a few people had a different perspective. They understood the parents’ point, too
