In-law relationships don’t always have to be complicated. However, it only takes one overbearing relative who lacks respect for boundaries to ruin everything and create a rift within the family.
A woman dealt with this headache with her brother-in-law, who demanded more time with her children. When she refused, he called Child Protective Services out of spite. The worst part is that it all happened while she grieved the loss of her husband.
All her in-laws have since piled on her, pushing her to ask the internet for answers.
A woman was at odds with her brother-in-law, who disrespected her boundaries
Image credits: Alena Darmel / Pexels (not the actual photo)
It began when he demanded to spend more time with her children
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
After she refused, the BIL called Child Protective Services out of spite
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Eventually, all of her in-laws began piling on her
Image credits: Aita6096
Image credits: Edmond Dantès / Pexels (not the actual photo)
People act out of spite to gratify their egos when they feel wronged
The brother-in-law was willing to put the woman and her children in a potentially traumatic situation just because she said no to his request. He was seemingly letting his spiteful feelings get the best of him.
Author and former clinical psychologist Dr. Leon F. Seltzer says spiteful acts are comparable to addictive syndromes and carry an addictive sensation. In an article for Psychology Today, he explains that spiteful behavior can “soothe a dysphoric state of mind” because it can be both “mood-changing” and “consciousness-altering.”
Dr. Seltzer adds that people are willing to go to great lengths to satisfy their spiteful urges, even if it means blowing things out of proportion and causing immense damage. It’s likely why the brother-in-law went as far as calling Child Protective Services to put the woman in a difficult situation.
“It’s to gain a mental or emotional advantage over the other, and, given what’s driving the behavior, considerations of how it might negatively affect your own welfare simply fade from view,” Dr. Seltzer wrote.
The brother-in-law’s behavior, unfortunately, caused more pain to the woman, who was still grieving her husband’s passing. It forced her to set boundaries, which sent a message that she wasn’t tolerating his actions.
Experts like licensed marriage and family therapist Michelle Landeros advise adjusting interactions, such as limiting visits. As she tells The Knot, it “respects family bonds while maintaining comfortable boundaries.”
The woman was within her rights to forbid her brother-in-law to visit her children, given how traumatic the CPS episode must’ve been for her. Unfortunately, it created family drama that added to her heartbreak and grief.
The woman provided more information in the comments
Many readers condemned the BIL for his actions
However, some faulted the author for refusing her in-laws to help despite being “overworked”
