Being a first-time parent comes with its fair share of challenges. There’s a good chance you’ll make a mistake, and the worst thing you can do is avoid these obligations by relying on help when things get tricky.
A first-time dad faced this issue with his infant son. Instead of taking the time to care for the child, he prefers to have his mother by his side to lend a helping hand.
His actions have disappointed his wife, who now wonders whether she is wrong to ask him to step up and solve things independently.
Being a first-time parent is not easy, and some people may have a more difficult time than others
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A first-time dad struggles to take care of his infant son on his own and seeks the help of his wife when things get tricky
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
His wife finally asked him to step up and figure things out, but he thinks she’s being ridiculous
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Fathers experience postpartum depression, too
Image credits: unsplash (not the actual photo)
Postpartum depression is often associated with mothers after giving birth to their children. However, fathers experience this, too, and it isn’t frequently discussed.
According to UT Southwestern Medical Center, 1 in 10 fathers struggle with postpartum anxiety and depression. A 2019 study also revealed that these depressive episodes may be associated with poor marital relationships, less attention to the baby’s health, and the risk of behavioral issues when the child gets to preschool age.
Anxiety is one of the major symptoms of paternal depression. Psychotherapist Christine Olsen, who specializes in men’s health, explains that high expectations may cause stress on first-time dads.
“You might have had expectations that as soon as you see your baby, it will be magical. That is not what everyone experiences, though,” Olsen wrote in an article for her website.
There is also the pressure to “do it right,” which Olsen sees in many clients. According to her, many men also need to do things differently from what their fathers did, which she says adds to the anxiety.
Many new dads become burned out from lack of sleep. However, Olsen wrote this important reminder: “Parenting a little baby is a job.”
There must be a balance between doing your best and allowing yourself to make mistakes
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Given the factors Olsen mentioned, the author’s husband may be overcome with anxiety from the pressures of wanting to do things perfectly. As a result, he refuses to take on his obligations independently and would instead seek help when the going gets tough.
However, Olsen also emphasizes the importance of balancing putting effort into being a good dad and cutting yourself some slack when things don’t go your way.
“New dads can’t know everything. There is no preparation in the world that would have got you there,” Olsen wrote, adding that it’s about doing your best and accepting that you will make mistakes.
When things get rough and shaky, remember that parenting will be easier once you get the hang of it.
“Remember that the difficulties are temporary,” mental health specialist Raoul Lindsay tells the BBC. “You will return to a sense of ‘normality’ whatever that was.”
The wife was within reason to compel her husband to step up and take on his fatherly duties and responsibilities. He will eventually need to face them, and his avoidance only delays the inevitable.
Most commenters sided with the wife, as they believe the man does need to step up
