A lot of how we are treated as kids reflects on our actions as adults. It can be the smallest of things, we never know. But there are some things we can never recover from. Whether it be facing bullies, fighting with siblings, or being ill-treated by a parent, these things are etched into our minds permanently and they shape our actions in the future.
Today’s article is a classic example of it where Reddit user These_Constant_7905 narrates how his grandpa was awful to his dad when he was a kid, so much so, that he refused to reconcile with him. And when the poster’s mom and siblings tried to force dad, he considered divorce over mending things with his father.
More info: Reddit
The teen started the story by saying that his family of 7 had been estranged from his grandfather for years and that he never knew his grandma
Image credits: Ravi Patel (not the actual photo)
Grandpa was a toxic person who didn’t treat his dad right when he was a kid and it was still evident from dad’s actions when he made mistakes or even cried
Image credits: u/These_Constant_7905
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
When grandpa reached out, the poster’s mom and siblings were excited and wanted to spend Christmas with him, but he and his dad didn’t want to, which the others didn’t like
Image credits: u/These_Constant_7905
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Even for his birthday, dad only celebrated it with the poster and refused to stay home as he knew the others were going to take him to grandpa, which he didn’t want at all
Image credits: u/These_Constant_7905
Tired of their constant pushing to reconcile with grandpa, dad considered divorce and when the poster’s mom and siblings expected him to fix things, he said they had to live with their actions
In today’s story, our teen poster narrated the conundrum that struck his family. It all started when the original poster’s (OP) dad was a child. His mom passed away when he was at the tender age of 10 years and his father was not at all nice to him. Fast forward to the present, the poster said that his grandpa left such a negative impact on his dad that to date, he has always felt ashamed when he made a mistake or been disgusted with himself if he ever cried. Right at the beginning, our heart goes out to the poster’s dad, doesn’t it?
Well, about three years ago, his grandpa reached out to his mom and siblings. They were excited and welcomed him to the family, but his dad refused to do the same. The siblings said that they had a right to know their grandpa and continued bonding with him, also dragging the teen with them. He obliged in the beginning but refused to go later.
The dad stood firm and stated that he would leave the house if his father stepped into it. Because of this, the poster’s mom always took the kids to their grandpa’s house. Come Christmas, they insisted that they wanted to spend it with their grandpa. However, OP and his dad refused. His mom called his dad “selfish” and also tried to force the teen to accompany them. But, his dad stepped in and said that he would spend Christmas with him. And this really upset them.
On the day of his father’s birthday, he took out the teen poster and they didn’t return home for the whole day. Dad did this purposely as he knew that the others would force him to meet and mend things with his father. When confronted about it by his mom, his dad replied that he didn’t trust the rest of the family and only trusted OP, so he only celebrated with him.
The poster’s mom’s and siblings’ constant pushing was finally a breaking point for his dad, and he wanted a divorce. Just imagine the amount of mental damage his toxic father did to him to make him take this huge step! Frightful, right? And when the family heard about the divorce consideration, they all panicked and ran to the poster. They expected him to fix things. However, he backed his father and said that they deserved the consequences of their actions and had to live with it. He also mentioned that the way they tried to manipulate his father was wrong and they should learn from it.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
In the comments, the poster spoke about how his dad was ill-treated as a child and the Redditors harshly called out the poster’s grandpa for it. According to a report published by Statista, 125,489 American children were harmed by their fathers in 2022. This number sounds horrifying and it looks like OP’s father is one such victim. And his refusal to mend things with his father sounds only fair.
WHO has stated, “Experiencing violence in childhood impacts lifelong health and well-being.” So, the father’s behavior must have impacted OP’s father greatly. Another study states that children who are harmed by their fathers experience a multitude of psychological traumas. This just makes us sympathize more with the teen’s dad, doesn’t it?
McLean Hospital has said that child harm can have a life-long impact on kids. As per them, “Childhood harm has mental and emotional consequences. Children who experience ill-treatment are more likely to develop anxiety, depression, and memory issues. Shame and guilt often also result, with children sometimes blaming themselves for the situation or viewing themselves as somehow defective. People who experienced childhood harm may have intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, and nightmares, which can be symptoms of PTSD. It can also result in emotional numbing, social isolation, and panic.”
Looking at this long list of the effects of child harm, we can get a slight idea of what the poster’s dad must be going through. Right at the beginning, OP mentioned that his dad feels ashamed if he makes any mistakes; this is a clear indicator of his mental health as described by McLean Hospital. And recovering from something so gruesome must be a real challenge that his dad must’ve faced growing up.
But when he finally put his terrible past behind him, he was again reminded about it when OP’s grandpa suddenly decided to get in touch. Netizens said that he was aware of the damage he was still doing to his son and had no remorse for it. Many of them also called out his mom for her atrocious behavior of making her husband go through all this.
They suggested that it was her savior complex that was forcing her to do this. Healthline said, “Savior complex is a need to ‘save’ people by fixing their problems. It may have negative effects on your relationships.” And that’s exactly what is happening here. The mother ruined her relationship with her husband due to her need to save his bond with his father when in reality it was beyond saving.
All the Redditors expressed their sympathy to OP’s father and applauded him for standing up for himself after having been through something so traumatic and devastating. Do you agree with them? We would love to know your opinions, so just scroll down and drop them in the comments.
People online expressed their sympathies to the poster’s father and applauded him for standing up for himself, while they called out his mom’s unacceptable behavior
