Re Gaby Hinsliff’s article on what to say to people grieving (There’s no right thing to say to people who are grieving, but the worst thing is fearing to speak at all, 24 November), my husband of 40 years died suddenly and I had a huge variety of responses. A close friend sent a message saying: “So he’s walked off again without telling you where he was going, has he?” I loved that because it showed that she knew something about our relationship and it made me laugh.
Someone else, who was also widowed, said: “It’s hard, but it’s doable” – which gave me courage. I agree that the worst thing is to say nothing, but please don’t say: “Oh well, you can always get married again.” As if my husband was replaceable, like a vacuum cleaner.
Lesley Barnes
Greenford, London
• I can reiterate Gaby Hinsliff’s feelings about not staying silent. When Kate, our 11-year-old daughter, died, my anguish was intensified by people crossing the road to avoid me. Now 84, I have to cope with multiple tragedies and I sometimes wonder how I will. Speaking to a friend in a similar position recently, I knew the call was worth it as, despite everything, we laughed, and both of us felt better.
Jude McGowan
London
• Do you have a photograph you’d like to share with Guardian readers? If so, please click here to upload it. A selection will be published in our Readers’ best photographs galleries and on our Saturday letters spread in the print edition.
