Bodies such as the one depicted in the statue of the Seated Woman of Çatalhöyük, mentioned in Angela Saini’s article, are never celebrated in our society, no matter the age of the woman (I’ve spent a decade studying gender and I can tell you: as a woman, ageing sets you free, 29 December). The social expectation for older women is that we will dye our hair as it greys, continue to shave our body hair, dress becomingly, not allow ourselves to retain the fat that our bodies often lean towards in midlife and generally present ourselves as men would like to view us, even as we become increasingly invisible to them.
As for power – yes, there are (thank god) more women than ever before heading up university departments, editing newspapers and chairing boards – but how many of them, like Ms Saini, had the privilege of an elite education and good looks to boot?
I am much more inspired by the many “brilliant older women” that I see every day toiling away in low-paid jobs with little to no social status or power – behind the tills in my local supermarket; in schools, after-school clubs and children’s centres looking after our children; in hospitals, hospices and nursing homes caring for our sick and dying. These are the women who I aspire to be like as I grow older.
Many middle-aged or older women I know are doing the work of raising the next generation while simultaneously caring for ageing parents and often holding down one or more jobs at the same time. These are my role models as I age – the mothers, the nurses, the teachers, the carers and the many of us who combine two or more of the above roles at once, all the while keeping a smile on our faces, a spring in our steps and not dyeing our hair for anyone.
Alice Gwinnell
London
• I found aspects of the article about the power of ageing resonated with me. Women are under the scrutiny of the male gaze, and the comparative gaze of women, for their entire lives. As I enter my 54th year, this is still something I grapple with. I have let my hair become its natural silver and pepper colour. I have no Botox or other “tweakments”. However, I still struggle with the freedom of not being shackled to a cycle of beauty interventions and “taking care of yourself” v “letting yourself go”.
The feminist argument is that women can do to themselves whatever makes them happy. But why are these things that “make women happy” still based on patriarchal views about anti-ageing and trying to look forever young? No greys, no lines, full lips, perky boobs. Society fundamentally doesn’t value an ageing face and body. I’m trying to value mine, but I know I have a way to go. Red lipstick helps (and I really don’t care who else likes it, I love it).
Sarah Storey
London
• To a certain extent my cohort – baby boomers – are certainly enjoying more freedom than our mothers did. However, my experience and that of many of my friends is that we’re still being held back by our male partners. We have to fight constantly to make our opinions heard and respected, even in a “good” relationship.
“Sorry” doesn’t seem to be in the vocabulary of the 1950s man. “Are you sure?”, or “Why don’t you listen to my advice?” is a given when voicing an opinion. Your adult children treat you like imbeciles, too.
Name and address supplied
• My sense of recognition increased exponentially as I read Angela Saini’s article, and decades of unquestioning acceptance of societal expectations were overturned in as many heartbeats as it took to read it. Women’s liberation at its purest.
Jane McEvoy
Belfast
• Angela Saini says: “I need lipstick now, where I found I didn’t need it before.” Why, at any age, does a woman “need” lipstick? It perpetuates myths and expectations.
Sylvia Suddes
Huddersfield, West Yorkshire
• I read this article with interest, having reached an age when the greying of my hair, the age spots on my hands and the wrinkles on my face make clear to colleagues and students that I am reaching the end of my career. I was disappointed to learn that, rather than an article that provides me with positive news at this point in my life, it is an article that, albeit innocently, is written from a position that does not speak for aged women. A woman “approaching middle age” does not experience the reality of a woman a generation older.
It is not freeing to see my contemporaries forced out of academic positions. It is not freeing to see my contemporaries who work in high-visibility fields, trying, sometimes with awful results, to utilise facial renovation to appear younger. It is not freeing to experience the changes to even healthy, well-exercised bodies.
It is particularly not freeing to see the creeping invisibility ageing women face. Gender and ageing as a topic does need to be researched and documented, but by someone who understands the process in a “lived” way.
Pat Gleich
Instructor in sociology, University of West Florida
• As an 80-year-old heterosexual male, I echo Angela Saini’s observations. Although the world is clearly different for men and women, there can be symmetries. My sexual drive faded in my mid-70s due to age and surgery. In its absence, I’ve found the world, and the people in it, far more open and less guarded – as am I. Had I found this tranquillity and detachment as a younger man, my entire existence would have been different and, perhaps, easier – not to mention the lives of those around me.
M Arthur Murphy
Mimbres, New Mexico, US
