Name: Patrick the pony mayor of Cockington.
Age: Four.
Status: Barred.
This is going to require a little unpacking. Really? You haven’t been following the story of Patrick the pony mayor of Cockington and his run-in with the local pub?
I can’t say that I have. OK, we’ll start at the beginning. Do you know Cockington, the village in Devon?
Vaguely, I guess. Great. Well, residents recently elected a four-year-old Shetland pony called Patrick as mayor. Now, the other thing you need to …
Wait. What? Patrick the pony is the mayor of Cockington. The old mayor died, and so a pony was elected to take his place. There’s nothing weird about it.
Did he run against anyone? No, it was a one-horse race.
I hate you. So anyway, before he became mayor, Patrick was a much-loved figure around the village. He was a therapy pony, visiting various recovery groups in the community, and could often be found grazing in an “interaction pen” in the garden of The Drum Inn, a pub in the village.
They elected a pony as the mayor? A pony? I’ve already explained that, yes. Anyway, Patrick has now been banned from The Drum Inn.
Because they didn’t like his policies? No, silly. He’s a pony. He doesn’t have any policies. The local council decreed that the pen required planning permission and had to be taken down. In addition, for Patrick to continue visiting the pub, the area would need to be reclassified from “garden” to “official grazing land”.
But he’s the mayor! Can’t he simply override the council? No, of course not. He’s a pony. But what makes this especially upsetting is that Patrick really loved drinking Guinness, so now he’ll have to go without.
I feel like I’m losing my mind. Don’t. Patrick the pony mayor of Cockington is far from the only non-human elected official in the world.
Really? Of course! Bosco the dog was mayor of Sunol, California, for 13 years. In 2018, Sweet Tart the cat was elected mayor of Omena, Michigan. And in 2019, Lincoln the goat became mayor of Fair Haven, Vermont, after a close-fought campaign.
Against a human? No, you idiot, against a dog. It’s also worth pointing out that every elected mayor of Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, has been a dog (one of which was called Brynneth Pawltro).
I feel like this actually makes things worse. Oh, lighten up. It’s just a bit of fun. Everything is so bleak at the moment, why wouldn’t you want a cute animal as your mayor?
Yes, I suppose you’re right. Although the council will rue the day they decided to cross Patrick the pony mayor of Cockington. That pony will have his vengeance, in this life or the next.
Do say: “Patrick the pony has been banned from the pub.”
Don’t say: “Maybe the council was afraid he’d make a foal of himself.”
