Ayesha Hazarika
(Picture: Daniel Hambury)Another long hot summer, another Tory leadership contest, which resembles a political version of the wacky races on speed. I’m gutted that my personal favourite, Rehman Chishti, has withdrawn. Yes, even he doesn’t even know who he is… not for him the slick, expensive “let me tell you a story” video. He filmed it on his phone in the garden. Respect, bro. I admire the self-belief — very on brand. As they say on Love Island “D’you know what? I back myself, mate.” Which is good, as no one else did.
Now, of course, we’re all focused on who the Tories want to win — but what about Labour? They are in a very good mood. It’s been a good week. Boris Johnson has resigned in disgrace and both Keir Starmer and Angela Rayner were cleared by Durham police over ‘beergate’.
They are enjoying the race immensely. A senior member of Starmer’s team told me they are “intensely relaxed” about who wins for a number of reasons.
Anyone who has been in the Cabinet is tainted goods who aided and abetted the car-crash Johnson years. Anyone new will be inexperienced. If it’s Sunak, they will hammer him on his non-dom scandal plus they don’t think a billionaire preaching austerity is going to be a good look.
The newly beefed-up Labour attack unit is also working overtime compiling all the unfunded tax cuts that the other candidates are promising with abandon. One aide told me: “It’s a gift. They always used to attack us for the magic money tree, and here they all are playing fantasy economics.”
The other thing which is pleasing Labour is an apparent continuation of Johnson’s worst policies — going to war with the EU over the Northern Ireland protocol and draconian, expensive and unworkable policies such as Rwanda. So Labour is pretty chipper.
The party is also busy selecting strong, credible prospective parliamentary candidates in case of an early election. But the biggest advantage for Labour is that its fiercest opponent is gone. For all the criticism of Johnson, he was a tricky man to mark. His bluster, refusal to play by the rules and serial dishonesty made him hard to debate effectively. He also reached parts of the electorate that none of the Tory hopefuls can. Even Boris-haters in Labour concede that he had charisma.
Having said all that, Labour would be foolish to be complacent. The Conservative Party is skilled at re-inventing itself. Its new leader will also get favourable press, squeezing Starmer’s profile. And if the Tories pick their third woman or their first ethnic minority leader, it’s not a great look for Labour, a party which has always championed equality.
Penny Mordaunt is the person who would probably be the toughest to face in the chamber. She’s not associated with Johnson, is quick-witted and has laid into Rayner a few times. But from my conversations, there is a clear winner when it comes to who Labour really wants to win. Liz Truss.
In other news...
I am living proof of the nature-nurture argument, having been born to Indian parents in Glasgow. Scotland won. Big time.
I can’t cope with anything above 15 degrees. I prepare for hot weather like there’s a storm coming. I close the shutters, get supplies in and hide in the basement. I’m dying in this heat.
I hate that moment when you get on a Tube and it’s like walking into jellied human sweat. And men… put a shirt on. No one needs to see your hairy moobs.
Everyone’s suffering. No one can sleep. People are grumpy, uncomfortable and covered in sweat. At least we can role-play being a menopausal woman. It’s even affected the Tory leadership race. If Sajid Javid, left, had had air-con at his launch, he may have made it to the next round.
Until my air conditioning unit arrives, you can find me at my new address — the freezer aisle in my nearest supermarket.
