It feels like we are in limbo. A state of imminence. Almost as if there is a disconnect in government. Our eyes are inevitably focused on Israel and Gaza. Processing the horrors past and horrors present of the last 10 days and hoping there are not worse to come.
Rishi Sunak looks terrified. Anxious to make a difference but not sure how. Going through the motions, trying to say the right thing. To reassure himself as much as the rest of the country. On Tuesday, he phoned a couple of people and called for Israel to turn on the water supply to Gaza. But it’s doubtful anyone was paying any attention. And if the water does get turned on, it won’t be because of anything he has done. Still, at least he tried.
But while the world holds its breath, the UK inexorably continues to fall apart. Bit by bit everything feels a little worse day on day. Over the past few weeks we have seen a national rail infrastructure project cancelled. A commitment to net zero relaxed. Hell, why not? With all that’s going on in the Middle East, we’ll be lucky to see 2025. So why worry about 2030? Our prisons are full. And falling to bits. What’s not to feel good about the current government?
And it keeps getting worse. On Tuesday the Institute for Fiscal Studies published a report which concluded that not only was the tax burden at its highest since the second world war but there was no foreseeable window for tax cuts. The basic rate of tax has in effect increased by 6p in the pound in the last few years. Really. You could have put a bunch of chimps in charge of the Treasury for the last 13 years and they couldn’t have done any worse.
Then there is the small matter of the £370m accounting error in school budgets for the coming year. That was the subject of an urgent question from the unsmiling shadow education secretary, Bridget Phillipson. Needless to say Gillian Keegan was nowhere to be seen for this – she was off doing a “fucking good job” elsewhere – so it was left to the unfortunate schools minister, Nick Gibb, to take the flak.
“Er … it was like this,” Gibb said, trying not to catch anyone’s eye. Just in case he burst into tears. The department had come across an error in allocations that had been made by some junior civil servant. But look. Try not to think of the £370m. Rather, think he had only been 0.62% out in his calculations. A trifle. Almost a rounding error. Hardly something of any consequence. And everything was all fine now.
So it had all been an error of no consequence. No harm had been done. In fact it had been a useful exercise to have made the mistake because it had alerted them to how mistakes could creep in and now they had learned the lessons and wouldn’t make them again. Just as it had been useful for the space shuttle to blow up so it wouldn’t happen again. And it was only 0.62%, he said again.
Phillipson was unimpressed. This was £370m that had gone missing out of schools budgets at a time when they were fighting over every penny. And Keegan had mysteriously kept the error to herself until after the Tory party conference. All this while schools were falling apart with Raac. She sounded as if she was thoroughly enjoying herself.
“How dare you suggest we took our eye off the ball with Raac,” Gibb cried plaintively. “We never actually had our eye on the ball in the first place.” Try not to confuse the government with one that actually gives a toss. In any case, children seemed to be learning well enough with masonry falling on their heads. Labour’s Barry Sheerman screamed for Gibb’s resignation. A bit harsh. Among a bunch of halfwits and shysters, Gibb is one of the good guys. Someone who actually looks as if he might give a toss.
Still, Sunak wasn’t the only party leader struggling. Up in Scotland, Humza Yousaf was fighting to hold together a Scottish National party that has been haemorrhaging support. Probably announcing that losing seats at the next election would be a mandate for independence didn’t help. Even though the main auditorium for the party conference had been moved to a smaller hall, there were still rows of empty seats for his closing speech in Aberdeen.
Yousaf started well by addressing the conflict in Israel and Gaza. Unlike Sunak, he has a personal connection and it shows. His emotion comes easily. His tears were real. Hamas could not be tolerated. But nor could the collective punishment of the Palestinian people. He said Scotland would open its doors to refugees from Gaza. Or maybe not. He’ll have to get that one past Suella Braverman. And Suella says no. She prefers to watch tragedy from afar.
Thereafter the speech rather fell apart, though the SNP faithful seemed to love it. They were up and down with their standing ovations. There was even one for a mention of Nicola Sturgeon. Saint Nicola. Whose ongoing police investigation cannot be mentioned.
What we got was a Scotland that was a land of plenty. All thanks to the SNP. The schools? Never better. The hospitals? Never better. Everything was going splendidly. Then there was the Scotland that was in tatters. All because of Westminster. Schools? Never worse. Hospitals? Never worse. But steady on. All could be redeemed by a slew of unfunded promises. Starting with a freeze on council tax. Labour’s win in Rutherglen has the SNP rattled.
But there was nothing to address the existential crisis of the current SNP. Why, after 16 years in government, the country is still struggling and support for independence has flatlined. Just a reiteration that with independence all would be well.
There was the promise of issuing Scotland’s first ever bond in 2026. Or never. Yousaf won’t get to determine the terms and may struggle to find investors willing to lend to a party that is in effect broke and facing a fraud investigation. Anyone for a motorhome? Then there was the promise to rejoin the EU. That land border is looking awfully long.
Yousaf soaked up the applause. Job done for another year. It remains to be seen if he’s around to give next year’s. Much like Sunak, his future depends on the general election.
Depraved New World by John Crace (Guardian Faber, £16.99). To support the Guardian and Observer, pre-order your copy and save 18% at guardianbookshop.com. Delivery charges may apply.
